Rumble & Frenzy Vs Everything
by MadnessJones
Summary: G1: Rumble & Frenzy run away from home to try to take over a city and prove their true worth to the Decepticons. Unfortunately, circumstances keep getting in their way. No pairings.
1. Running Away

_Author's Note: This is just a prologue to the rest of the story, so it isn't very long. This isn't the main story I'm working on, so I'll only add chapters when a really good idea comes into my head. Then again, I've said that before about stories that I just can't stop working on until they're finished, so who knows? Let me know if you want this craziness to continue. By the way, for their colors I'm using American G1 specs, so Rumble is blue and purple and Frenzy is black and red. On with the fic :)_

* * *

Chapter 1

Running Away

"Rumble, Frenzy: eject," Soundwave called out in his monotone voice as the battled raged on around him.

 _Great, what is it this time?_ Rumble thought as he prepared to transform into robot mode. _I wonder if it's the Autobots, something broken around the base, or maybe we have to clean the water filtration system again…Ugh! I still remember all that disgusting algae! Oh, and the barnacles! Yeah! What's a guy gotta do to catch a break?_

Rumble's thoughts were interrupted almost as quickly as they began as the Carrier's tape deck opened to allow him and his black and red brother Frenzy out to fight.

Rumble and Frenzy transformed to find themselves amid a chaotic desert battle with the Autobots...again. This was the third time in as many months, and for some reason it was always in the desert! Why did the Autobots always come after them when they were in the _slagging desert?_!

"Okay bro, you hit 'em low, and I'll hit 'em high!" Frenzy shouted as he veered left; leaving Rumble to go right.

Frenzy went after Trailbreaker with his drills while Rumble went after Hoist with his pile drivers! Frenzy was having trouble counteracting the force fields of his foe while Rumble was playing a glorified game of whack-a-mole trying to hit that stupid dark green tow truck! They fought for about a breem with neither success or failure when Megatron ordered all of the Decepticons to retreat.

"Rumble, Frenzy: return," Soundwave ordered.

" _What_? But we just got out!" Frenzy whined.

"Return: now," Soundwave insisted.

Both cassette twins sighed together but complied with their master's orders. It had been the first time in almost a week they had been let out of the chest compartment and neither one was looking forward to another week in their cramped alt modes. When they returned they could feel rather than see the presence of Ravage and Laserbeak. Buzzsaw and Ratbat were in the repair wing after an unfortunate skirmish they had with a flock of buzzards.

"So, how was the battle?" Ravage asked mockingly.

"Shut up, that's how!" Rumble snapped.

"You didn't do any damage, did you?" Ravage asked, though he knew the answer because he had seen the whole thing.

"No," Frenzy admitted dejectedly, "I hate those Autobots!"

"I don't," Rumble said; surprising everyone.

" _What_?" The other three gasped in unison.

"How can I hate them?" Rumble asked, "They're the only reason we get to go outside and have fun. Soundwave keeps us in the tape rack all day and all night! We're only let out to do chores or battle Autobots, and Autobots are way more fun than chores! We're adult-formed mechs, and yet we're treated like drones to be stored and used only when necessary!"

"Maybe if you didn't cause so much trouble when you were out, the master would let you out more," Laserbeak pointed out.

"Nah, I agree with Rumble," Frenzy said, "Soundwave has been keeping us in much more than usual. I don't like it."

"Me neither, and one day he'll be sorry!" Rumble declared to his cassette brethren.

* * *

The next day Rumble and Frenzy were let out of the tape deck, and abruptly given oil rags to wipe up a mess in the landing hangar. Both looked up at Soundwave with a mixture of anger-filled and pouting faces.

"Rumble, Frenzy: clean up stains left by purged fuel tanks."

Both mech collectively groaned at their new assignment. When did they become the fragging janitors? They were both sure this was Skywarp's doing. He was always getting himself overcharged and then trying to go off on his own to fly! Stupid Seeker and his stupid high grade energon!

Soundwave received a summons from Megatron and left the twin Cassetticons to their task. Frenzy pushed the oil rag on the ground with angry force, and that elbow grease was helping him finish his cleaning faster. Rumble looked at the ominous purple doors that led out of the hangar, and he got an idea…

"Hey Frenzy, let's get out of here," Rumble said with a sly smirk.

"What are you talking about?" Frenzy asked as he cleaned up more dried fluids, "I don't want to get in trouble with Soundwave, or Megatron for that matter. If we leave our work to go wander the ship they might notice."

"No, you're still not gettin' it. I say we leave the ship!" Rumble exclaimed rebelliously.

"What? Go AWOL? Are you joking? You're joking, right?" Frenzy asked frantically.

"No! I'm tired of being treated like a glorified Pokemon! I say we run away and prove what we're really capable of!" Rumble urged his brother fervently.

"A poking-what?" Frenzy asked; confused.

"Oh nevermind!" Rumble shouted, "Are you with me or not?"

"Well…" Truth was Frenzy was also tired of being treated like a slave, but he still didn't want to risk the wrath of his superiors. Still…It would be nice to go wherever they wanted and do whatever they wanted. They hadn't really had the chance to explore this mud ball of a planet much, and some of the things on it looked fun. Like rock concerts and sports! Rumble had a point...This might be their only chance to escape the monotony of the tape-rack/torture-chamber.

Frenzy nodded once and walked toward the door. Rumbled clapped his hands once in victory and ran for the hangar controls. He had watched Soundwave do this enough time that he felt confident that he could operate the controls himself. His visor shone with a bright scarlet red as he typed in the command keys that would lead to their freedom!

As Rumble worked the ship's controls he realized that they were still underwater, but he realized it too late! The ocean came rushing in on the twins as it filled the enclosed hangar! They swam out of the hangar looking for all the world like men in scuba suits holding their breath! They were too heavy to swim to the surface, so they had to walk the rest of the way until they made it to land.

* * *

Three days later they crawled onto the shore. Rumble and Frenzy both leaned this way and that to pour water out of the various openings in their bodies. Seaweed clung to their forms and Frenzy had an angry crab stuck to one of his digits. If this was freedom, then it was going to be a _loooong_ journey.


	2. Be A Mech

_Author's Note: I hope you like how this chapter came out, and please follow, favorite, and/or review! I love hearing from all of you :)_

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Chapter 2

Be A Mech

Rumble and Frenzy had been walking for two days. Their energon was low, and soon they would go into stasis lock if they didn't get any more. They were walking along the street of a large coastal city, but they couldn't find a single power plant or oil rig anywhere in the overcrowded metropolis.

"If I don't get somethin' to eat soon, I'm gonna pass out!" Frenzy complained.

"I know bro, and don't worry. I'll think of somethin'," Rumble said reassuringly.

Rumble stopped in an alleyway and ducked inside to avoid the prying eyes of the humans that littered the street on this sunny day. He rummaged through his subspace while Frenzy watched in confusion. After throwing out several things (some of which Rumble didn't know he owned) he found what he was looking for; an empty energon cube!

"Perfect! Now all we need to do is find a place to fill this cube!" Rumble proclaimed as he held the cube aloft like a football trophy.

The twins looked around to see if they could find anything close. They needed energy quick and couldn't afford to waste time looking all over the globe for it! Frenzy looked up above the street and saw the perfect thing: a wooden pole that held electric wires! It was perfect! All they would have to do is break off a wire and let the discharge spark into the cube to make energon!

"Great plan, Frenzy!" Rumble said after Frenzy explained it, "Now climb up there with the cube and get some energon!"

"What? Why do I have to climb the stupid thing?" Frenzy griped.

"Because this is your brilliant plan," Rumble retorted, "Now get goin'!"

Frenzy huffed indignantly, but decided arguing wasn't going to help. Taking the clear cube in one arm, he used his other arm to try to climb the electric pole.

Frenzy grabbed onto the tiny metal spokes that protruded from the sides and tried to lift himself up to the top. Unfortunately, Frenzy was very heavy, and kept falling off the pole! He fell on his aft several times, eventually even dropping the cube and trying with both hands, but all to no avail. He just couldn't climb up there.

"Oh, great! Now what?" Frenzy moaned as he looked up at the impossibly high pole and wished for the millionth time in his life that he wasn't so short. Soundwave could just pluck that pole out of the ground like it was a flower! This wasn't fair!

"Hey, I've got an idea!" Rumble suddenly exclaimed, "Remember that Mumu movie? The one we watched with Ratbat about the human femme that dressed up like a mech so she could kill all the yellow optic humans?"

"You mean Mulan?" Frenzy asked slowly.

"Yeah, that one!" Rumble affirmed, "Well, in the movie the soldiers had to climb a pole because their commanding officer lost his arrow up there and was too cheap to buy another one. Well, Mumu climbed the pole by using two heavy coins attached to two scarves! All we need is a piece of fabric and two round objects to act like a lock! Help me look for something we can use!"

Frenzy didn't have any better ideas, so he went with Rumble as they dug around in a dumpster and searched around the alley for anything useful. Finally, they had found a coat that they tore into two pieces and two trash can lids that Rumble punched two holes in so they could tie the coat pieces to them. Once their invention was complete Frenzy took the two pieces and tied them together just like in the movie, and tried to scale the pole again.

That...Didn't end well. Frenzy pulled too hard, and about a quarter of the way up he ripped the cloth and fell to the concrete below on his aft...again.

"Great, what's the next plan, _genius_?" Frenzy asked sarcastically.

Rumble couldn't figure out what went wrong. Frenzy did everything the movie femme did, so why didn't it work for him? No way was a squishy human smarter than them! He would figure out how to make this plan work!

Rumble left, and a few minutes later came back with more cloth (this time two thick leather belts) and two manhole covers. Frenzy looked skeptical. He did not feel like falling again!

"Okay, I figured out what was missing!" Rumble declared, "In the movie when Mumu climbed the pole there was a song playing in the background! All you have to do is play that song while you climb and you'll make it up there no problem!"

"I don't have that song," Frenzy informed him.

" _What_?! What do you mean you don't have it?" Rumble yelled; causing several humans to run away from them, "You're a fraggin' cassette! How could you neglect to record a song?"

"Look, if I get captured by the Autobots I don't wanna be caught with Disney's greatest hits on my playlist!" Frenzy snapped, "I got a reputation to protect here!"

"Oh, sure! Because the Autobots will respect you so much more when they find out you listen to Smash Mouth!" Rumble retorted irritably, "Alright then, since you don't have the song recorded then you'll just have to sing it while you climb the pole!"

Frenzy gave a low moan of dread as he looked up at the pole. This was humiliating! He was going to climb an electric pole that any of his colleagues could reach easily while singing a song from a movie made for human sparklings! He just hoped none of the humans recorded this on their cell phones…

With grim determination, Frenzy tied the manhole covers and began his slow climb up the pole. All the while he sang what little he could remember of the song. Sadly, he didn't remember much…

 _Be a man!_

 _You must stand with your mouth in the rain!_

 _Be a man!_

 _Then you must ride on the log flume!_

 _Be a man!_

 _To be as swift as a raging fire…_

Frenzy struggled to remember the last line for a few seconds. He was really beginning to wish he just recorded the stupid song!

 _Mysterious as the dark of the moon!_

"That can't be right!" Rumble yelled up at Frenzy, who was already halfway there, "Dark of the moon? Who talks like that?"

"Shut up, I forgot the words!" Frenzy hollered back down at his brother.

Rumble muttered under his breath but didn't say anything else to Frenzy. He needed his twin to concentrate so they could get that energon.

Frenzy continued to butcher the song as he slowly climbed up the pole. He saw the top and knew if he looked down he would lose his nerve. If only they had enough energy left to use their anti gravity to fly...He would never take that feature for granted again!

Finally, after the long and arduous climb, he had made it to the top! He sat on the round flat tip of the electric pole and whooped in triumph! By now several humans were watching this spectacle along with Rumble, and they all cheered for him as well! He felt like he was on top of the world, even if he was only on top of a 20 foot high electric pole.

"I did it, Rumble!" Frenzy shouted for all to hear, "I conquered the pole!"

"Great job, bro!" Rumble hollered back up at him, "Now fill the cube and come back down!"

That statement gave Frenzy pause. His red visor suddenly looked down and noticed that beside where Rumble was standing was the cube; still on the ground! He also realized something else that was a problem…

"Uh, Rumble?" Frenzy called down hesitantly, "In that movie, did they ever show how Mulan got back down?"


	3. Amish

_Author's Note: Honestly, I feel like I'm writing Pinky And The Brain with Rumble and Frenzy. "Gee Rumble, what do you want to do tonight?" "Same thing we do every night Frenzy, try to take over the world!" Okay, now I'm just being silly, but I really do love the alien comedy of errors plot and hope you do as well. I probably won't update this story as frequently as I do other stories because I like to be careful when writing comedy. It doesn't come as naturally to me as drama. Anyway, please review, follow and favorite :)_

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Chapter 3

Amish

It had not been a good day to say the least. After spending hours atop an electrical pole Frenzy nearly shut down due to exhaustion. Around sunset, seeing his brother was still in trouble, Rumble finally gave up on subtlety and used his pile drivers to uproot the pole and cause several large cracks in the sidewalk! Frenzy had fallen with an inglorious thud, but the wire had snapped as planned and the twins got a little energon.

A few hours later they found themselves walking along the road at night, feeling for all the world like a couple of hungry and aimless bums. That energon had barely been enough to keep their core systems online! They still didn't fly because they didn't want to waste energy unnecessarily. They needed to find a way to get more!

"You'd think there'd be a power plant somewhere!" Frenzy griped, "We've been walking for almost a joor now and still nothin'!"

"Yeah, I know," Rumble agreed as he looked at the rows of corn they were passing as they walked, "I don't even think there are any fleshies in this area! There's nothin' here! I'm not sure what we're gonna do."

Frenzy suddenly stopped walking as he tried to think. It took Rumble a few seconds to realize his brother wasn't with him. When he made it back to Frenzy, he had a gleam in his visor that said he was thinking about something wonderful...

" _Fleshies_...That gives me an idea!" Frenzy proclaimed suddenly, "Remember when Megatron nearly killed the Autobots by having the fleshies fly them into the sun?"

"There was more to it than that, but yeah, I remember," Rumble replied, "So?"

"So, after that Megatron took over a large human city and forced them to collect energon!" Frenzy explained excitedly, "We were even on guard duty then, remember? Well, all we have to do is take over a city, and the humans will harvest energon for us! Not just enough for us, but enough to take back to Cybertron as well! Megatron will love us once he sees how useful we are! We might even get promoted!"

"That's not a bad idea, Frenzy," Rumbled nodded approvingly, "After all, we're still Decepticons, and the humans still fear us. All we have to do is find a small and easy target and it'll be a cinch!"

"Yeah!" Frenzy cheered as he started practically running down the road.

Rumble trailed after him shaking his head longsufferingly. There was a reason his younger twin was named Frenzy, after all.

* * *

It was early morning when the cassette twins arrived at a small human settlement. It was nothing like they had ever seen before! Every building was small except for a few (relatively) large building that littered fields of identical crops. Rumble figured it was likely a bunch of farms where humans grew their fuel. The streets were narrow and instead of cars the vehicle of choice was this boxy thing on wheels being pulled by large hoofed animals!

Even the humans dressed like nothing the Decepticons had ever seen! They all wore funny hats, and the femmes all looked like they were wearing curtains! The mechs all had long fuzz growing out of their faces! Something about this place seemed off, but Rumble noticed something that made him grin a wicked grin…

"Hey Frenzy, these fleshies are helpless!" Rumble said conspiratorially to his brother, "I don't see a defense system anywhere! I'm not even pickin' up communications feedback! If we conquer this village then there's nothin' these little flesh bags can do about it!"

Frenzy looked around and realized Rumble was right! This town was sitting on a large storage of human crops and textiles and yet they had no way to protect it! They wouldn't even be able to call the Autobots for help! This was too perfect!

* * *

It had taken some planning on the part of the cassettes, but soon they had everything ready. Phase one was to box the humans in so they couldn't get away. That part was surprisingly easy. All they had to do was find a bunch of tall pieces of wood lying around and build a big fence around the compound while the fleshies slept. It helped that these humans seemed to go to bed pretty early.

Phase one hit a snag when they finished the fence only to find Rumble was on the inside of it and Frenzy was on the outside! Frenzy drilled a hole in the fence to get back in, which was loud enough to wake the dead! They froze and hoped no humans investigated their actions. No one did, so they were free to rebuild the fence (with Frenzy _inside_ of course).

Phase two was almost ready for action as the first of the humans awoke; their fire-lit candles leaving shadows of light in the windows. It was still dark outside, so the twins decided to wait until it was a little lighter outside before they made their move. After all, they wanted the humans to be able to see them.

It was around 0900 when Rumble nodded to Frenzy that it was time for action. The blue and purple cassette turned his hands into pile drivers and ran quickly into the center of town! He then started shaking the ground like there was no tomorrow, and the humans started running and screaming! So predictable…

Frenzy ran into one of the largest buildings near the town square and climbed up the stairs to get to the roof. He climbed out onto the roof and hoped the wood would be strong enough to support his weight. It did, so he took out his megaphone and began phase three.

"Hey, humans! If you want the earthquake to stop, then stop running and _get over here_!" Frenzy yelled into the megaphone so all could hear.

Rumble stopped shaking the ground and turned his pile drivers back into hands as he looked at the peaceful humans congregating in front of him. They looked at Rumble and Frenzy with wide eyes. None of them had ever seen anything like them, and none had heard anything of the Decepticons.

"Alright, now that I have your attention," Frenzy said into the megaphone, "This town and every flesh bag in it are now property of the Decepticon Empire! Do as you're told and you will survive! Disobey and be destroyed!"

Frenzy hoped his most official sounding voice would sway the humans to comply. So far there was a lot of quiet murmuring, but no one spoke against them thus far. Then a young man made his way to the front of the crowd and began to speak.

"We don't know what you are Devils, but the Lord will not abandon us," he said with conviction, "We are being tested surely, but we will endure. You can crush our bones, but you cannot crush our spirit."

The crowd nodded and murmured; bolstered by this young man's bravery.

"You know something fleshy, you're right," Rumble said in a deceptively agreeable voice, "We _can_ crush your bones! In fact, we can do a lot worse…"

Rumble then pulled a gun out of his subspace and aimed it at the man! The people were just as afraid of the gun coming out from midair as they were of the gun itself! The man backed up and held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. Rumble knew he should make an example of him, and even smiled as he thought of vaporizing the treacherous worm, but he held back. He could see there weren't many of these little pests in the village, and they needed every slave they could get.

"You gonna cause anymore trouble, fleshy?" Rumble asked menacingly; daring the man to give him a reason to shoot him.

"N-no…" Was all the man could say, though it was clear he wanted to say more.

"Good," Rumble said with satisfaction.

Frenzy had come down to join his brother in giving out orders to the humans. They looked at him with the same muted fear in their eyes as they looked at Rumble. This conquest was so easy it bordered on ridiculous!

"Alright humans!" Frenzy shouted over the crowd, "We're going to give you energon cubes! We only have three right now, so you're getting off easy until the rest of the Decepticons arrive! Those who get cubes are to take them to the nearest power plant and fill them with electricity!"

The humans looked at each other in confusion. No one wanted to be the one that approached these monsters, but someone had to say something. Finally, an older woman in a grey dress and faded apron went to Rumble and Frenzy and said "Um, with all respect, um...We don't _have_ electricity. We believe such luxuries are the work of the devil trying to tempt the unbelievers."

Rumble and Frenzy had to do a double take to make sure they heard her correctly. _No electricity?_ Could humans really live that way? No wonder they didn't find any communications relays! There weren't any!

"Well then...Do you have a coal mine?" Rumble asked feebly.

She shook her head no.

"What about a gas station?" Frenzy asked; grasping at straws.

"No," she replied solemnly.

"A fracking operation?" Rumble asked desperately.

No. Of course they didn't.

Rumble and Frenzy stared at the wary humans for a few minutes in silence. This was a disaster! Sure, they had human slaves at their beckon call, but what was the point? There was no energy here! Not even a drop! They'd starve if they stayed there!

"Come on, Frenzy…" Rumble said dejectedly, "Let's just leave. You hear that ya stupid fleshies?! You're free! Have a nice life diggin' in the mud likes the worms you are!"

Rumble and Frenzy stomped away like children forced to share a toy against their will. The villagers stared after their would-be overlords until they couldn't see them anymore.

Finally, the first man said "Well, we have passed the test, and the Good Lord has saved us this day!"


	4. The Dead Zone

_Author's Note: Wow, I managed to get this update in place sooner than expected! I've suddenly had all sorts of ideas for this story. I guess when it comes to writing the plot bunnies tend to be unpredictable. I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter! You're a great audience :)_

* * *

Chapter 4

Dead Zone

The Cassetticons were getting tired of feeling like losers. That human village had been such a dead end that it made the Stunticon Dead End look _less_ depressing! They were low on energon and running out of time. Their current surroundings didn't have as much corn, which was a good thing, but now the scenery was covered in trees and the road was really narrow.

Another thing that was getting on their nerves was the heat! Their bodies weren't running their cooling systems in an effort to save energy, and both of them were starting to feel weighed down and too hot.

"Rumble, I'm tired!" Frenzy complained, "I can't take this anymore! I say we go back to Soundwave and beg him to take us back!"

"No way!" Rumble snapped, "We've worked too hard to quit now!"

"Oh yeah? And what have we accomplished, huh?" Frenzy asked rhetorically, "We're hot, tired, starved, and lost! Do you even know where we are?"

"Sure I do!" Rumble declared, but then backtracked and said "Well, actually no. But I can find out! All I have to do is ping the nearest cell phone tower with my comm relay and use it as a GPS to find our location!"

Rumble then sent out a ping signal, but there was no cell tower in sight. The display in his head read DEAD ZONE.

"Okay, we're in a place called Dead Zone," Rumble announced; unaware of what a dead zone actually was, "Do you know where Dead Zone is?"

"No, but it sounds really scary!" Frenzy replied nervously, "Hey, do you think it's like that one place where the laws of reality are warped and everything turns different shades of grey? I don't wanna go back to the corn field!"

"That's the Twilight Zone, you idiot!" Rumble swiped his hand in front of Frenzy's face but didn't actually hit him, "Calm down! We just need to keep our heads and do our best to not panic."

It was easier said than done. There hadn't been a car or even a horse-drawn buggy for hours, and the twins were really starting to feel alone. They didn't know what kind of wild organics were out in these woods! What if they ran into a teddy bear? Or one of those things with the antlers the Stunticons were always running over?

After a while of walking in silence in this _Dead Zone_ they couldn't stand it anymore! Rumble finally agreed to Frenzy's frantic pleas and decided they should contact Soundwave for a ride back to the Nemesis. They pinged the comm signal, but the line was filled with nothing but static!

They still didn't know what a dead zone was, so they came to the conclusion that their comm systems were both broken. The next problem was how to contact the Decepticons if they couldn't use the comm signals.

They looked around trying to get an idea of what they could use to repair their comm systems. There wasn't a lot. There was just trees, trees, clouds, dirt, trees, bushes, birds, oh and did I mention trees? Not seeing anything useful, they decided to keep walking and hoped that soon they would be able to find something to help them get a signal to the Nemesis.

* * *

They had been walking for about 20 minutes when they saw a small worn down house in the middle of the woods. Normally a human dwelling wouldn't earn a second notice from the cassettes, but they were getting desperate. They saw a generator, a satellite dish, and a beat up truck in the driveway. They could use the generator for energon and use the satellite dish and truck for spare parts! It was too good to be true!

They started with the generator and quickly drained the electricity into their awaiting energon cubes! They were so greedy they filled all three cubes and drank them as quickly as they could! They were just lucky the energy wasn't pure enough for high grade or else they'd be wasted!

As they waited for more energon from the generator they suddenly heard a noise behind them...A gun being cocked!

They turned around together and were face to face with a scruffy looking human male holding a rifle to Rumble's face! They would've laughed if they hadn't been so shocked that the human actually took them by surprise!

"Well, well, well...I didn't realize it was Halloween!" The human groused as he kept the shotgun level to Rumble's nose cone, "And just what do you gentlemen think yer doin'?"

"We're taking your electricity, punk!" Rumble snapped in a challenging voice, "You wanna make somethin' of it?"

"I don't think you realize the trouble yer in!" The man replied irritably, "I've got a gun trained on you, and yer trespassin' on my property! Now git before I shoot you in the face, ya no good hooligan!"

This time the twins _did_ laugh at the man's audacity! They couldn't believe this human thought he could threaten a Decepticon and live! It was too much! As the cassette twins laughed the man looked at them first with anger and then confusion. What was so funny about all this?

"Look fleshy…" Frenzy said as he tried to compose himself, "I'm in a pretty good mood, so I'll make a deal with you. You give us your satellite dish and parts from your earth vehicle, and I won't splatter you all over your own front yard!"

To illustrate his point Frenzy turned his hands into drills and burrowed a hole right in front of the human! The man was speechless and was finally beginning to understand that he wasn't dealing with teenagers but rather 7 foot tall alien robots!

* * *

All in all it went well for the Cassetticons. They forced the human to climb the roof for the satellite dish and while he did that they took apart the truck. The man wasn't happy about it but he didn't complain too loudly. He went back inside his house when he was done disconnecting the dish; leaving them alone to build their communication relay tower.

Frenzy was the one who directed most of the building. He only hoped he still knew how to build an emergency comm tower.

"Hey Frenzy, is tab A supposed to go into slot B?" Rumble asked.

"What does the English alphabet have to do with communications?" Frenzy asked in an exasperated tone, "Just plug it in wherever it fits!"

They worked in relative silence for about two hours. The sound of squawking birds and wind in the tree branches was the only sound they heard. Working outside wasn't exactly clean, and the silence was kind of creepy to a pair of Decepticons used to the noise of their crew's fighting and rowdiness. Still, they both knew it could be a lot worse. At least now they had energy in their systems.

Finally, after painstaking hard work the tower was finished! They would finally be able to call Soundwave and return home. Sure, they would return home in defeat, and sure, they would probably be forced to stay in that cramped chest compartment until Cybertron froze over, but at that moment Soundwave's chest seemed like the most comfortable spot in the universe! They were so tired of walking!

Frenzy flipped the switch for the communications relay and the tangled mess of a device started spinning and whirring loudly! It sparked, it sputtered, and it looked like it would explode if you looked cross-eyed at it, but at least it was turned on.

Rumble punched in the code for the Nemesis and waited for the reply.

"... _Kzzzttzz_...Hello? This is Giovanni's Pizza. Can I interest you in a supreme meat lover's pizza?" Came the static filled voice on the other end of the phone.

The twins looked at each other in bewilderment and defeat, and finally Rumble said "Um, no thanks. We got the wrong number."


	5. Truck Stop

_Author's Notes: I'll be honest with you guys, I have no idea where this story is going. I guess we'll find out together! Hope you enjoy this fic, and if you want to see more then follow and/or favorite. Also review if you feel like it, since I love to hear from you! Well, enjoy the chapter :)_

* * *

Chapter 5

Truck Stop

That stupid communicator dialed 3 incorrect numbers before finally collapsing in on itself! The human stayed inside his house in fear, and Rumble and Frenzy were left on their own again. With nothing left to do, the pair decided to keep on walking. They decided that if they ever got back to the Nemesis not even Megatron himself could make them leave it again!

They walked for almost an entire joor before finding their way to a wider road. That was helpful, but all it meant was that there were more cars, and therefore Rumble and Frenzy had to walk in the ditch to keep from getting run over. Oh well, at least they were getting back to civilization.

The first building they came across was little more than a giant parking lot with lots of semi trucks and a tiny building for the humans to buy stuff in. There were rows and rows of trucks! The good news was that there was also lots and lots of gas!

"You know, these trucks kind of look like Optimus Prime and Motormaster," Frenzy remarked.

"Who cares? At least we can refuel," Rumble said optimistically.

They ran up to a gas pump and tried to extract the liquid inside, but no matter how hard they squeezed the pump nothing came out.

"Maybe that one's broken," Frenzy theorized.

"Alright then, I'll try that one, and you try that one," Rumble said as he pointed to either side of them.

They tried the next two pumps, and the next two, until they had tried all 20 pumps, but nothing ever came out! This was getting freaky! Rumble and Frenzy started to panic when they realized that they might not get any energy from these pumps, and they didn't know when they'd find another human building again! They were in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of huge trucks and gas pumps that didn't pump!

"Hey, stranger!" A human woman with a cigarette in her mouth shouted to Rumble, "You lose somethin'? You look like you're about at yer wits end."

"The fuel tanks are all empty!" Rumble shouted frantically; not caring that he was panicking in front of a human femme.

"No they ain't," the woman said with the cigarette still between her teeth, then she took the cigarette in her fingers and said more clearly, "The pumps work, but you got ta put in yer credit card first."

" _Credit card_?" Rumble asked stupidly as Frenzy continued to run around and look for working pumps, "What's a credit card? Is that like credits, or uh...currency?"

"Pretty much," the woman said as she started gassing up her rig, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

"We're from the great planet Cybertron!" Rumble said crossly, "What's it to you?"

"Nothin' really," the woman shrugged, "Well, you have a good one." She then got in her big rig and drove away with a lazy wave to the snubbed cassette former.

Rumble sighed dejectedly. They didn't have a credit card, so they had no way to get the energy out of the tanks. On any other day they probably would've just tore off a tank and filled their cube with the delicious liquid inside, but after walking for so long they just didn't have the energy left for heavy lifting. They were doomed.

"Hey Rumble!" Frenzy hollered as he stood next to the entrance of the building, "I found somethin'!"

Rumble ran to where his sibling was and asked what all the fuss was about. Frenzy smiled like a kid with a secret and leaned his head next to Rumble's to speak softly.

"I figured out how to call home," Frenzy said triumphantly.

"Oh yeah? How?" Rumble asked skeptically.

"These things on the side of the building are called pay phones," Frenzy explained, "They're how fleshies communicate with each other. Well, we just use this to call Soundwave and we'll be home in no time!"

Rumble looked at the pay phone and shrugged; willing to try anything once. He took the phone and tried to dial, but the voice on the other end demanded money if they wanted to place a call.

"Great!" Rumble groused, "I guess this requires a credit card too!"

"A what?" Frenzy asked obliviously.

"Oh, never mind!" Rumble shouted; about ready to snap, "I'm just so tired and hungry and homesick! We haven't recharged in _days_! We're running out of energy again! This is ridiculous! I wanna go back to the ship! I don't care if we have to scrub up after Devastator purges up high grade! I wanna go _home_!"

Rumble was wailing at this point and on the verge of leaking coolant. He was so sick of humans and this stupid organic planet! Everything was covered in dirt and smelled like dirt and probably tasted like dirt! He wished the Nemesis was in space so they could just nuke the whole thing!

Frenzy, on the other hand, had finally started to recollect his thoughts. He knew they couldn't use the pumps or the phones until they had money, but they could solve the problem of getting a good night's recharge…

"Hey, Rumble," Frenzy said, but when Rumble wouldn't stop crying he more forcefully said "Hey, _Rumble_! That truck's cargo gold is open. We can crawl inside and get some recharge without worrying about the elements or any nosy humans."

"Hm...That's a pretty good idea, Frenzy," Rumble said after a moment to think about it, "I sure could use some down time. Maybe when we wake up we'll figure out how to make the humans gather energon for us. That'll show the others we're self sufficient!"

"Yeah!" Frenzy cheered as he ran for the open truck bed with Rumble walking slowly behind him.

Soon they would get a good night's recharge and this whole ordeal would be more manageable. They were sure they could make a part of this world their own if they just kept on trying.

* * *

"That'll be $29.85," the cashier said to the ruddy overweight man at the truck stop, "Alright, $30...and $0.15 is your change...You have a good night sir."

"Thanks, same to you!" The man replied cheerfully as he made his way back to the rig.

He closed up the truck bed and made his way to the front of the truck. This had been one long hard day, but soon they'd be home and everything would look better. He closed the door and sat back in the driver's seat.

"So everything alright for you, big guy?" The trucker asked in the empty cab.

"Yes, thank you Sparkplug," Optimus Prime replied amiably, "I just needed to rest my manifolds for a while before we drove back to headquarters."

"Not a problem," Sparkplug said agreeably, "I bought some snacks for me and Spike while I was in there, and I got a movie for Jazz that he's wanted for a while. Some Jim Carrey movie or something. So, ready to go?"

"Yes," Optimus replied as he started his engine; unaware of the two stowaways in his cargo hold at that moment.


	6. Autobots

_Author's Note: This chapter was surprisingly difficult to write. There were so many directions this story could've gone in, but hopefully this was the right decision. Thank you all for your support! I appreciate everyone who reviews, favorites, and follows this story! Hope you enjoy this chapter of Rumble & Frenzy Vs. Everything :)_

* * *

Chapter 6

Autobots

Rumble awoke first from inside the back of the semi truck they fell asleep in. They still didn't know how they were going to get energy, but at least they had managed to get a full night's recharge. Frenzy awoke a few seconds later, and together they exited the truck bed...and found themselves staring at orange walls!

"What the- Where _are_ we?" Frenzy asked worriedly.

They looked in front of them to see the Autobot Wheeljack working on the front of the truck, and that was when they noticed in the full light of day the red and blue paint! They had ridden inside Optimus Prime all the way back to Autobot Headquarters!

Frenzy let out a small squeak, but was immediately silenced by Rumble who put a hand over his mouth! Rumble, with his hand still on his twin's mouth, guided Frenzy into a darkened corner of the room. The room had several berths and Wheeljack and Ratchet were working there, so they surmised that they must be in the repair bay. The pair had been inside the base before, but they weren't as stealthy as Ravage and Laserbeak so therefore were not asked to do spy missions very often.

Rumble led Frenzy out into the halls. They ran as fast as they could to the next corner with Rumble looking ahead and Frenzy looking behind to make sure no one was watching them. Frenzy almost backed into Rumble a couple times as they did this, but somehow they still managed not to make any noise.

Their problem was that now they were hopelessly lost in the Ark, and didn't know how they were going to find their way back. Fortunately they hadn't run into any Autobots, but that could change any second, so they had to keep moving! They found an air vent they could crawl inside and ran in there for safety! All they had to do was follow this orange metal tunnel and they would find their way out!

Their footsteps clanged and echoed against the metal. They walked over a room where Jazz was too busy grooving to his music to notice the loud clanking noise, and they walked over a room where Hound was reading a data pad and didn't notice the noise they were making. When they walked over Huffer's room he heard the noise, paused, stuck his finger in his audio receptor, listened again, and shrugged indifferently when the noise had passed.

Rumble and Frenzy kept moving, and thought they had got away with it, when there was suddenly a whirling laser wall coming straight for them!

"Ahh! It's the cleaning system! We'll be vaporized!" Frenzy hollered in panic.

"AAAHHH!" They both screamed as they ran from the deadly dust zapper.

They ran from the fast approaching laser cleaner with fervent steps and searched for a place where they could turn to get away from the deadly device, but the vent was a straight line! They were doomed if they didn't find a way out! They reached a dead end with a closed grate and felt relief as they went to open the grate; only to find it wouldn't open!

" _Help_! Help us!" Rumble shouted; not caring who heard him as his miserable life flashed before his eyes.

"Please! Somebody open the door!" Frenzy joined in the screaming as the laser cleaner drew closer to them, "Let us _out_!"

Just as they were about to meet their doom, the grate flew open and a pair of hands grabbed the shrieking Decepticons and dragged them away from the portal to the pit! They huffed and puffed in an effort to cool down their heating systems, and then dared to look up at the face of the mech who saved them...Red Alert!

"I knew it!" Red Alert declared as he stared down at his catch, "I knew there was a Decepticon in the vents! Nobody believed me! They said I was just being paranoid, but I knew better! And would you look at this? Two! Two for the price for one! Ha ha! I knew it!"

Rumble and Frenzy both shook with fear when they saw that they were in the hands of the crazy security officer Red Alert. This guy's paranoia was legendary, and he was the bane of spies like Laserbeak and Ravage. Frenzy wondered how Laserbeak managed to fly in those vents all the time without getting caught or vaporized. She made it look so easy!

/Red Alert to Optimus Prime!/ Red Alert comm'ed his superior officer, /I caught two Decepticon spies on the premises. I'm throwing them in the brig now!/

/Oh? And who are the spies that were captured?/ Optimus Prime asked.

/Rumble and Frenzy, sir!/ Red Alert replied immediately.

/Good work, Red. I'll be down in the brig shortly. Prime out./

Red Alert then grabbed the two cassettes, who began to struggle violently, but it was no use. They had been captured, and they had no idea what was waiting for them in the Autobot's lair.

* * *

The pair of Decepticons looked at the energy bars that separated them from their freedom with a look of depressed resignation. Frenzy had never been a prisoner of the Autobots before! Rumble had been captured once back on Cybertron, and it was not a pleasant experience. At least then he was considered too valuable to be tortured, but now that they had basically deserted the Decepticons...Well, Megatron likely wouldn't bargain for them back unless it was so he could kill them himself.

"What do you think they'll do to us?" Frenzy whispered so as not to disturb their Autobot guard.

"I don't know," Rumble whispered back, "Maybe chain us to the wall and drain out our energon until we talk. Maybe they'll find our cassette film and pull it all out, and then try to shove it back in but do a really bad job. They might even make us listen to the humans' opera music until our audios fritz!"

"Stop it, Rumble! You're scaring me!" Frenzy whined.

"Oh, they could do worse than that!" Rumble said menacingly; enjoying scaring his brother, "They might steal all of our private recordings and show them to our former allies! They might even show Megatron...Our sparkling pictures!"

" _Nooo_!" Frenzy screamed in horror.

"Hey, you two! Shut up!" Their guard yelled from across the room.

They stayed quiet for a few seconds, but then Rumble whispered evilly "Not only that, but they might show Starscream that recording we took of him singing I'm Walking On Sunshine while he was in the wash racks!"

Frenzy gulped and huddled in closer to the wall. Their own blackmail material being used against them made Frenzy wish they would just offline him now! He wondered briefly if it was really possible to die from embarrassment.

Just then, Optimus Prime came into the brig and nodded briefly to the guard in salutations. The tiny twins felt even smaller when compared to the giant leader of the Autobots. He came in person...They were really terrified now.

"Rumble, Frenzy," Optimus turned to look each of them in the visor as he spoke, "I trust you are being treated well?"

"What's it to you?" Rumble snapped; trying to not look weak in front of their enemy.

"I just came to ensure that you both are uninjured," Optimus replied without losing his patience, "Your energon will be brought to you in half a joor. If you behave for the guards you will not be harmed. I will also send Jazz down here to ask you a few questions. Answer him truthfully. Hopefully we can resolve this quickly and get you both back to the Nemesis in short order."

Rumble and Frenzy looked at each other in trepidation but didn't say anything to Optimus Prime. They knew they couldn't go back to the Nemesis without a really big prize to bring back to Megatron. They had been gone for orns! If they returned empty handed they would be terminated!

Optimus Prime left them with their thoughts (and their guard). They needed to do something and quick! If Jazz got a hold of them they were slagged! He was one of the deadliest Autobots in their ranks! Then again, if they stuck it out for a while they were promised energon. Then again, the energon could be poisoned! This whole situation was really confusing for them!

"Hey Rumble, what was that thing you said when we left? You were tired of being treated like a glorified poking man? Well, now look where we are! Locked in a prison that's even worse than being trapped in Soundwave!" Frenzy shouted in frustration.

Rumble gave his brother a dirty look, huffed indignantly, and then threw his hands up in animated surrender as he shouted "Gotta catch 'em all!"


	7. The Not-So-Great Escape

_Author's Notes: This chapter, like the last one, was difficult to write. There were so many scenarios that would've worked, but I didn't use any of them! Instead I went for something completely out of left field! Hopefully you all like it anyway... Thank you for reading and please review, favorite, and follow to read more :)_

* * *

Chapter 7

The Not-So-Great Escape

Frenzy was the first one to notice the doors opening near their cell to admit Jazz. He motioned for the guard to leave so he could talk with the cassette twins alone. The black and red cassette was petrified at the prospects of being left alone with Jazz; especially since if anyone had access to human opera music it would be him! The saboteur flashed a 1000-watt smile at them and turned off the energon bars that separated him from them.

That disarming smile didn't fool Frenzy! He knew that mech was a master killer and probably as sadistic as Motormaster! What he wouldn't have given for Soundwave to be there to protect them right then!

Frenzy hugged Rumble close in fear, but Rumble roughly pushed him away! If he was going to die, then Rumble at least wanted to die with a little dignity, and there was nothing dignified about hugging his twin brother.

"Hey there, my mechs!" Jazz greeted them smoothly, "I trust everythin's goin' alright with ya."

"If you're gonna torture us just do it already!" Rumble challenged him.

"Shut up, bolt brain!" Frenzy snapped at his brother, "He's sorry."

"No, I'm not!" Rumble argued.

"Hey, hey, it's alright. No need ta worry," Jazz said reassuringly, "I'm just here ta ask ya a few questions, and after that we'll get ya some mid-grade energon. How's that sound?"

"After the day we've had I'd drink turpentine!" Rumble grumbled.

Jazz smiled at Rumble's gallows humor joke and set up the energy bars with himself and the cassettes both in the cell. Frenzy felt like he probably would've been sweating if he were human, but didn't know what to do besides stare at the saboteur with a wide red visor and hope he didn't notice.

"Now first of all, why were ya sneakin' around in our air vents?" Jazz asked with the tone of a parent asking their child why there was grape juice on the couch.

"It was an accident!" Frenzy shouted pleadingly; immediately cracking under the pressure, "We just fell asleep in a truck! We didn't know it was Optimus Prime! We're sorry!"

" _He's_ sorry," Rumble muttered irritably.

"Don't make us listen to opera music!" Frenzy begged, "We didn't mean to infiltrate Autobot Headquarters!"

Frenzy was sobbing now, and Rumble wished he could pretend he didn't know his spastic twin. Jazz listened to their story patiently, and when it looked like they were finished he finally spoke.

"So, ya infiltrated the base by accident?" Jazz repeated for confirmation.

"Yes…" Frenzy said quietly; his sobs subsided, "Are you gonna chain us to the wall and make us listen to showtunes?"

"Naw, mech, nothin' like that," Jazz waved away his concerns, "I've gotta say though, I'm impressed."

"Y-you _are_?" Rumble asked incredulously, "Impressed by what?"

"That ya managed ta do by accident what many can't do on purpose," Jazz smiled as he spoke, "If ya'd just been a little quieter, then who knows what kinda damage ya coulda done! Anyway, we won't know what's gonna happen to ya until we hear back from ol' Buckethead, but hopefully this matter'll be solved soon enough. I'll go get ya some energon."

Jazz then left the cell and turned the energy bars back on to keep the twins inside. They were a little bewildered by what had just happened. They weren't tortured, the Autobot's third in command gave them a compliment, and they were going to get energon. They were being treated better as Autobot prisoners than they ever were as Decepticon soldiers! This was just too weird!

* * *

After their energon break the twins spent the rest of the day in utter boredom. They had been in that cell for hours with nothing to do. Sometimes whichever guard they had would glare at them, but for the most part they were left alone.

Rumble rubbed his finger against the floor to make designs in the dust while Frenzy hummed the tune to _No More Mr. Nice Guy_. Their boredom was rudely interrupted by a blast to the wall right near where they were sitting!

The purple energy blasts took out the guard in short order, and that was when they realized they were being rescued! Well, either that or condemned to death by Megatron.

The warning klaxons blared, and red lights flashed! Everything was bathed in an eerie glow of red against orange, and soon an imposing figure forced his way through a hole in the wall!

"I don't believe it!" Rumble's jaw dropped and his visor went wide when he saw their rescuer.

" _Starscream_?!" Frenzy shouted in shock as the seeker grabbed them and shoved them in his cockpit.

The red and silver seeker then transformed into jet mode and took off with his two passengers. The Autobots tried to follow him, but he was too fast for them! The Aerialbots tried to pursue, but it didn't take long for Starscream to lose them. The cassettes were feeling dizzy from all the aerial maneuvers Starscream executed to get away from those flying Autobot brats.

Finally, after they had flown for a while they arrived at a mountain clearing. The jet opened his hatch and ordered them out with a venomous tone. They obliged, mostly because they didn't feel like flying with him anymore. Frenzy was sure he was going to purge after all that!

"I don't understand, Screamer," Rumble said after they were out of the jet, "Aren't we goin' back to the Nemesis?"

"Trust me, you don't want to do that," Starscream said after he transformed back into robot mode, "Oh, and don't call me _Screamer_!"

"Why did you save us?" Frenzy asked humbly; feeling a strange sense of gratitude.

"Because I don't want the Autobots to see that tape you got of me singing in the wash racks!" Starscream replied crossly, "That's right! I know it was you!"

Both cassettes at least had the decency to look away from him and at least pretend to be ashamed of themselves. Starscream flew away without another word, and once the shock of being saved wore off Rumble realized something…

"Hey, that jerk left us in the middle of nowhere!"


	8. Close Encounter of The Weird Kind

_Author's Notes: Hope everyone likes this chapter. Originally, the cassette twins were going to wind up in a Goodwill, but I think this turned out better. Please review, follow, and favorite to read more :)_

* * *

Chapter 8

Close Encounter of The Weird Kind

It had taken several days, but Rumble and Frenzy finally wound up in a small town in Oregon. Their energon was depleted again (a recurring theme of this trip they both hated) and they needed to do everything they could to conserve energy.

Night had fallen. Normally that didn't matter to the terror twins since Cybertron was dark all the time, but on this night they knew it meant the best time to recharge. After all, the humans wouldn't be milling around on the streets and bothering them if they slept at the same time.

The pair found a small alley on Main Street to sleep in. It was a cold night,

and the residual sounds of traffic sounded like a sweet lullaby to the energy-starved twins. They stayed close to the wall to avoid detection.

"Hey Frenzy. I think we should transform into cassette mode," Rumble suggested.

"Oh yeah? Why?" Frenzy asked skeptically.

"Because we use less energy as cassettes than we do as full-sized mechs," was Rumble's logical reply.

"True, but we also don't have built in heat systems in cassette form. Not enough room," Frenzy pointed out.

"It doesn't matter. Who knows when we'll get to refuel again?" Rumble retorted, "We need to stay online for as long as possible, so let's just recharge in cassette mode. We'll be fine. I promise."

"Well...Oh, alright!" Frenzy finally relented, but he didn't like it.

The Decepticon twins transformed and recharged on the cold ground in their tiny cassette forms. They allowed the noises of the city to rock them to sleep. If only they had stayed awake long enough to see the shadowy form coming to take them from their cozy hiding spot next to the wall…

* * *

The next morning the city was full of activity. There were people walking and driving to work and the first few rays of sunshine were caressing the morning dew. No one paid any attention to the scruffy looking man with his shopping cart full of discarded treasures as he dug in the garbage cans and dumpsters looking for new things. He had lots of things in his cart, but the most interesting might have been the two oddly colored cassette tapes he picked up off the ground last night.

"Mm...Gotta find it…" The homeless man muttered under his breath as he scrounged around for new parts, "...Gotta find it...They're onto me! Now just calm down, nobody is going to find us...The illuminati don't start work until 10:00 a.m."

It was while the man was rummaging in the trash that suddenly his shopping cart started to shake! Suddenly, two tall robots popped out and crushed everything he had in there!

"What the- Where are we _this time_?" Frenzy asked; getting tired of all these surprises.

"I knew it!" The man exclaimed as he beheld the strange beings, "I knew you'd find me! We have to hurry before they catch onto us!"

"Catch onto- Wait! What are you talking about, squishy?" Rumble asked as he looked with disgust upon the unwashed skinny man with the graying beard.

"The CIA! They work for the illuminati, and we have to get away now!" The homeless man insisted with wild crazed eyes, "They know you've landed, and they'll cut you open and take you apart! Then they'll kill me because I made contact with you! I've been trying to make contact for years, and they know it! They knew I was close, and now they'll come for us!"

"The Sci-yay?" Frenzy asked; not really sure what the old man said, "Why are they looking for us? I mean, y'know, besides the obvious."

"They know you're aliens, and they know about the mothership!" The man replied worriedly, "The illuminati sees all! They have eyes all over the world! Don't worry, visitors from beyond the stars! I won't let them get you! I'll do everything I can to protect you!"

"Really?" Rumble asked suspiciously, "And what do you get out of this arrangement?"

"I get the knowledge that mankind will not be denied your wisdom because of a few greedy power-hungry men that would use your technology for evil!" The man said with conviction.

"Uh...You get that we're trying to suck your planet dry, don't you?" Frenzy asked.

Rumble then elbowed Frenzy's side and quickly said "He's kidding!" Then in a quieter voice said to Frenzy, "You idiot! This guy's got connections! We can use him to find a weak spot in earth's defenses, so just play along until we don't need him anymore."

"Oh... _Right_ ," Frenzy said with a sinister smirk, "Gotcha!"

"We are grateful for your help, earth creature," Rumble said formally as he stood a little straighter, "I am Senator Rumble, and this is Senator Frenzy. We are the ambassadors of Cybertron to earth. Our people, the Decepticons, would be most appreciative for any information you have regarding the defenses of your planet. For protection purposes, of course."

It took the addled man a few seconds to even figure out what the mech had said to him. He was so used to being ignored or called crazy that he almost didn't know how to act when he finally made contact with the aliens he always knew existed! Most already knew about the Autobots and Decepticons, but this man hadn't had access to TV or internet in years, and therefore had been kept in the dark.

"Oh...Sure," the old man finally replied, "I can take you to a safe zone. Just follow me and I'll get you there no problem!"

Rumble and Frenzy nodded to each other and then transformed back into cassettes. The man hadn't actually seen them transform the first time, and actually staggered backward when he saw it up close! He looked at them with wide eyes; not really sure what to do next.

"Okay, fleshie, just pick us up and put us in your pocket," Rumble instructed, "That way no one will see you fraternizing with us."

"Uh...Do we have to go in the pocket?" Frenzy asked nervously, "This guy smells really bad…"

"Well, I could stick you in my shoes," the man suggested.

"No! Pocket! Pocket!" Frenzy quickly relented when he thought about those stinky feet and sweaty socks.

The man shrugged and then picked up the little tapes and stuck them in his shirt pocket. He was surprised that they were just as lightweight as ordinary cassettes. He forgot that he had picked them up last night due to the stress of the situation. With everyone secure, the man started walking toward the safe zone.

* * *

When they got there, the man lifted a lid to the safe zone bunker and gently laid the cassettes down inside.

"Okay senators," the man whispered conspiratorially, "I'll come back to get you when I find out where the illuminati went, and then you can use your powers to destroy them! On behalf of planet earth, I thank you for choosing our planet as a stop on your cosmic voyage!"

"Yeah, yeah! Just hurry up and find our targets!" Rumble hissed from inside the bunker.

The man nodded and gently put the lid back down. It was an hour later when the police arrested the man for badgering a woman walking her dog about aliens from another world coming to smite the illuminati.

Rumble and Frenzy couldn't see when they were in cassette mode, so they relied on their sensors to give them locations of living beings (both metallic and organic). If they could've seen, however, they would've realized the old homeless guy left them in a dumpster!

They were so tired and low on energy that they didn't even register the beeping noise coming from a dump truck as it backed up and lifted the dumpster; spilling its contents (including Rumble and Frenzy) into the truck! They only noticed something was wrong when the truck started trying to crush them!

Thinking quickly, Rumble transformed and grabbed cassette/Frenzy before they were made into little Decepti-cubes!

They panted as they watched the truck drive away without them. They didn't know where they were or which direction to go in, but they did know one thing…

 _Never trust a human._


	9. Heroes

_Author's Notes: Sorry it's taken so long to update this thing, but I haven't had a lot of time for writing lately. Fortunately, I think my schedule is clear for a while and I can get back to writing! Yay! This is the only story I have on this sight that I don't really intend to end. It's just a good place to dump funny ideas involving the most confusing set of twins in the Transformers series :)_

* * *

Chapter 9

Heroes

Rumble and Frenzy were really starting to hate the city, and really starting to hate the sight of humans. There were humans everywhere! They just couldn't get away from them! The pair of Cassetticons had been walking down the street bemoaning their lack of progress when Rumble got an idea…

"Hey Frenzy, I'm bored! Let's have some fun with the flesh bags!" Rumble suggested with a mirthful gleam in his visor.

"Okay!" Frenzy readily agreed, "So, what do we do?"

"Well, they're scared of Decepticons, right?" Rumble pointed out, "So all we have to do is hide behind that dumpster and wait for humans to walk by, and then jump out and block their path, scarin' them senseless!"

"Yeah, that's a great idea!" Frenzy exclaimed, "We can scream at the top of our vocal processors and wave our arms around like creepy hitchhikers! Some of them might even offline from fright!"

"Uh, Frenzy...I think we _are_ creepy hitchhikers at this point…" Rumble said as if it were a sudden revelation.

Frenzy chuckled at Rumble's shellshocked expression and went to hide behind the dumpster. They were sure that by this time tomorrow the human news reports would be full of tales about how doomed the human race was because of the evil and powerful Decepticons lurking in the shadows!

They didn't have to wait long for their first victim. They could hear footsteps running toward them at a brisk pace. This was perfect! A running human would bump right into them, and their exertion would make the terror even more powerful!

Rumble jumped out and yelled "YAAAAAHHH!" The human, a scruffy male with black clothes and carrying a frilly pink bag, dropped the bag on the ground and ran for it; screaming all the way!

Rumble and Frenzy laughed themselves silly for a minute, and then looked down at the thing the human dropped. Rumble picked it up just in time to hear a human female shout at him and run toward him. Well, so much for victim #2!

"Excuse me, sir!" The human femme shouted as she waved at Rumble, "Sir, where did you find my purse?" She pointed at the pink bag in Rumble's hand as she spoke.

"Huh? Oh, some fleshy in black clothes was carryin' it," Rumble shrugged, "He was a pretty good runner."

Before he could say anything more the woman took the purse from Rumble's hand, looked inside the bag, and then hugged him! Rumble had no idea what kind of sissy attack this was, but he didn't like it one bit!

"Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!" She gushed, "When that man stole my purse I didn't think I'd ever get it back! The cash is gone, but all of my cards and photos are still here! Oh, I can't thank you enough!"

"Believe me, you can," Rumble growled; still feeling humiliated at being touched by a human in public.

The woman let go and then turned to leave, looking back over her shoulder to wave at them. As she did, she said "I'm so glad you were here! You Autobots really are heroes."

"Autobots!?" Rumble screeched indignantly, but the woman was already gone.

Frenzy, meanwhile, was doubled over with laughter at his brother's predicament. He knew Rumble would want to take a long shower if he ever got the chance. Rumble glared at Frenzy, and indignantly shouted "Your turn!"

Frenzy was okay with that. He knew he could scare a fleshy better than that. He might even step on its foot just to see if they could walk with only one! He got into position and waited to hear the sound of someone coming down the street. He heard a noise a minute later, but it sounded more like thin wheels across the pavement than the typical sound of shoes stepping on the ground.

 _Perfect_! Frenzy thought menacingly. _I'll scare someone on roller skates! They'll fall and have to scramble backwards just to avoid me!_

Frenzy jumped out and yelled "WOOOOOO! SURRENDER HUMANS!" He stopped when he saw what was coming at him: a large stroller with a human larvae inside!

"AHH!" Frenzy's scream was real this time as he saw the thing barreling downhill at him.

He looked to the left and right trying to figure out how to best get out of the way, but finally just gave up and grabbed the out-of-control stroller and stopped it in its tracks! He barely felt the vibrations as the stroller stopped, but he could clearly smell the infant!

"Gah! What is _wrong_ with these fleshies?" Frenzy gasped as he covered his nose cone, "Dude, if sparklings ever smelled that bad the Cybertronian race would've died out millennia ago!"

Just then, he saw a pair of humans running down the hill to meet him. He couldn't hide the horrified expression when he saw them; remembering the femme that called Rumble an Autobot. No way was he letting them hug him!

"Jason!" The woman shouted as she looked inside in the stroller to make sure the baby was alright.

The baby smiled up at his mother, and both parents breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you so much for saving our son!" The woman said to Frenzy, "I don't know how that happened! We only stopped for a second to talk to one of George's friends from high school! Oh, thank you! You saved our boy's life!"

 _Great, gratitude_ and _your life story! Just what I always wanted_ … Frenzy thought sarcastically, but didn't say anything.

"Sir, is there anything we can do for you in return?" The man asked eagerly.

"Don't call me an Autobot?" Frenzy suggested grumpily.

The pair blinked for a second at Frenzy. It would've been funny to the Cassetticon if he weren't so sick of looking at these flesh bags. Finally, the man said "Wait a minute, you're a _Decepticon_?"

"Duh! You see the purple thing on my chest?" Frenzy asked irritably, "That means Decepticon!"

"Wow…" The woman breathed, "I didn't think Decepticons helped people. I'm glad I was wrong! You're a real hero!"

The woman then kissed an unprepared Frenzy on the cheek and then the couple left with their baby. Frenzy was frozen to that spot for a few moments; unsure of what just happened. Rumble just laughed his helm off at Frenzy's reactions; delighted that he could get his revenge on his black and red sibling.

* * *

The next day Rumble and Frenzy were on the other side of town trying to collect energon from a gas pump. Fortunately it was an older gas station and didn't have the card readers, so they could fill their cubes without worry.

Frenzy was drinking his cube and waiting for Rumble to finish filling his when he saw a machine with newspapers inside. Normally he wouldn't care about such an archaic device, but he noticed that there was a picture of him on the front page with those insipid humans from yesterday.

Frenzy walked up to it and read the front page headline. It said: MYSTERIOUS DECEPTICONS PERFORM ACTS OF HEROISM.

Frenzy was so outraged that he drilled through the glass on the machine and took a bunch of the papers inside. He read the story, growled under his breath, and ripped up the stack of papers like they were nothing!

Rumble saw what Frenzy was doing and ran over to him. Frenzy was seething, and wouldn't tell Rumble why, so Rumble looked at the broken machine and took one of the few remaining papers. He read it, and his visor went wide in shock.

"Ah, mech!" Rumble exclaimed softly, "Megatron is gonna kill us!"


	10. A Rock And A Hard Place

_Author's Notes: This update is coming pretty quickly, I know, but I'm making up for lost time. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far, and please remember to review, favorite and/or follow! I always appreciate it :)_

* * *

Chapter 10

A Rock and A Hard Place

The next town wasn't any better than the last one they were in, but at least this one was a little smaller. Still a city, but not so many horns honking or humans giving each other the finger. Frenzy had been doing that finger thing for hours after finding out what it meant just to see if he could provoke a fight. There were a couple, but they were mostly with drunk humans, and of course Frenzy would win every time.

On this lovely morning the little Decepticons were fighting their way through a crowd of humans walking to work or wherever these flesh bags went every day. Rumble and Frenzy were both getting sick of being trapped butt to gut with these smelly sweaty monsters, and just wanted a moment to breathe!

Rumble pulled Frenzy into an alley after a few moments. Weird, it seemed alleys were always conveniently available in these cities. If only they were around in the forests…

"What'd you do that for?" Frenzy asked irritably.

"I saw a ladder on this apartment buildin'," Rumble replied, "If we climb up to the roof then we don't have to walk around with all these squishy losers."

"Yeah, but then how're we gonna get off the roof, stupid?" Frenzy snapped; tired and not ready to deal with his brother's crazy schemes before his morning energon.

"Easy, we just hop from one roof to the other," Rumble replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "Just follow my lead, and you'll be fine."

Sighing a long-suffering sigh, Frenzy nodded his head and agreed to follow Rumble up the ladder and to the roof of the building. They climbed the thin black ladder with great care; realizing they were way over the weight limit for that thing. A few times it threatened to break, but fortunately they were able to keep their hold on it without the thing falling over and dumping them onto the street below.

When they were on the roof, they looked down to see the people below. It wasn't as impressive a view as they'd hoped. They were only about ten floors above everything and frankly that wasn't much taller than being on Soundwave's shoulders.

"Think you can fly?" Rumble suddenly asked Frenzy.

Frenzy tried to fly, but nothing happened. His antigravity generator was damaged, and considering how many scrapes they'd gotten themselves into lately he couldn't even say exactly when the damage occurred. He shook his head no.

Rumble tried to fly then. He got off the ground a little bit, but not enough to carry him too far.

"I could probably make it back to the base, but I couldn't carry you," Rumble said somberly, "Sorry, but I just don't have the power."

"It's okay bro, I know you would if you could," Frenzy replied reassuringly.

Since they couldn't fly, they tried Rumble's original plan of roof hopping. Unfortunately for Frenzy, he went first. When the little black and red cassette twin jumped off the roof, he missed the other roof by a couple feet and belly-flopped onto the hard ground below! He moaned, and Rumble looked down apprehensively to see if his brother was hurt badly.

"You okay, Frenzy?" Rumble asked nervously.

"I...hate you, Rumble!" Frenzy croaked out through gritted dental plates.

"Oh good, you're fine!" Rumble ascertained.

Rumble sat on the roof and waited for Frenzy to climb up the ladder again. That...was a mistake. The ladder gave way under the added weight and Frenzy fell to the ground again!

" _Frenzy_!" Rumble screamed, "Are you okay?"

" _Who lives in a pineapple under the sea_ …" Frenzy sang blearily as he waved in and out of consciousness.

"Oh, brother!" Rumble face-palmed as he looked down at his wretched twin, "Okay, I'm comin' back down!"

Just as Rumble was about to scale a gutter to climb down to Frenzy, he noticed a looming form up in the sky! It was none other than Megatron himself! Oh, this was bad! This was _very_ bad! If Rumble and Frenzy had to report that they went AWOL and had just been wasting time for months then they'd both be sent to the smelter! He'd never make it down in time to avoid detection! Rumble was in panic mode as he tried to figure out what to do!

"Okay Frenzy, change in plans!" Rumble hollered down at his brother who was still on the ground face first, "You stay down there and try not to be noticed! I'm gonna hide in the buildin' for a few hours!"

Rumble then looked for an entrance into the building complex from the roof, but there was none! Megatron was getting closer, and Rumble couldn't allow himself to get caught! He had to do something and fast!

Desperate for escape, Rumble turned his fists into pile drivers and punched a hole in the roof; allowing himself to fall down into it! He had landed three floors down on someone's couch!

When Rumble finally got over the shock of falling and looked around to see where he was, he saw four adult males staring at him in absolute shock!

"What...What _are_ you?" The oldest human, a white haired male, asked in disbelief.

"I'm you're worst nightmare if you give away my position!" Rumble snapped, "Listen up, flesh bags! I'm gonna be stayin' here for a few joors, and if you don't like it then you can take it up with the complaint department!" He said this as he produced his pile drivers again.

One guy whispered to another "What's a joor?" The other guy shrugged.

Rumble heard them, however, and said "Let's just say I'm gonna be stayin' the night. You got a problem with that, punks?"

They all shook their heads in unison. They noticed the Decepticon sigil on Rumble's chest and didn't want to invoke the wrath of this robot's big brothers. Rumble nodded, satisfied with their obedience, and sprawled out on the now-broken couch. He grabbed the remote off the coffee table and started channel surfing. The humans looked at each other and wondered if they should try to escape or stay and watch TV with the evil alien robot.

* * *

The next morning Rumble left the apartment building (much to the relief of his unwilling hosts) and decided to check on how Frenzy was doing.

Rumble used the stairs to make his escape. He ran into an old woman walking her dog, and the dog growled at him, but otherwise it was a peaceful walk inside a human building. For once Rumble was grateful not to be too tall for the human structures. Had Starscream been damaged and trying to get away from Megatron there would've been nowhere for him to hide in a crowded city.

When he went outside he went to the alley to collect Frenzy, only to find his brother wasn't there! Rumble looked for clues. Spilled energon, loose parts on the ground, anything! But no, there was nothing there, and Rumble had to face an uncomfortable fact…

Frenzy was missing!


	11. Restless

_Author's Notes: While there are jokes in this chapter, I went with a vibe that was more exciting than funny. Still, there is some humor in here. I just had to get this idea out of my system :)_

* * *

Chapter 11

Restless

Rumble had searched all over the city looking for Frenzy. He couldn't find his brother anywhere! He had expended most of his fuel reserves in his futile search, so he had to finally give up and get some recharge. If only his recharge cycle hadn't been filled with such crazy dreams…

...

Rumble was falling fast! The blue sky and white clouds raced past him as he began to accelerate toward his inevitable crash and death!

Just as he was falling he noticed Sideswipe coming right at him in his jet pack holding a skillet and grinning wider than the Joker! Rumble flailed his arms in a vain attempt to escape the crazy Autobot, but it was no use!

"Hey, pal! Lose something?" Sideswipe asked mockingly as they continued to fall.

"Um, why are you holding a frying pan?" Rumble asked instead of answering the question.

"I'm making breakfast, duh!" Sideswipe answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and then he flew off in a cloud of white smoke.

Next thing Rumble knew, he was on the ground in a dark red room. He was in the center of a circle of Autobots as they watched him with eerie glowing blue optics! He shifted nervously, but no one moved or spoke a word. Rumble trembled in place and wondered what they were going to do to him. He tried to ask them what they wanted, but his voice came out as a pig's snort!

After a few tense minutes, there was a loud howl from every member of the leering Autobot circle!

"AHH!" Rumble screamed and then ran as fast as he could; the Autobots hot on his trail!

Rumble ran down a dark nondescript road as he tried his best to get away from the mob of frightening Autobots! He bumped into something, and looked up to see Jazz and Frenzy having a tea party in the middle of the road!

"Hi, Rumble!" Frenzy said in a chipper tone of voice, "Wanna join us?"

"Um...Sure," Rumble replied uncertainly.

"Well, you can't!" Frenzy suddenly snapped, "Because you don't know where I am!"

Suddenly the tea party melted away, and the black muck formed into the familiar form of Ravage! The cat's yellow optics peered into Rumble's very soul! He backed away, but the panther stalked toward him like a predator cornering its prey!

"So Rumble...Ready to go back home?" Ravage asked verbally, and Rumble wondered when Ravage learned to talk without a comm link.

"Not without Frenzy!" Rumble stomped indignantly.

"Then I suggest you stop sleeping on the job," Ravage said calmly as he licked his paw indifferently, "Wake up, you idiot!"

"Huh?" Rumble asked as the world became fuzzy.

...

Rumble awoke as two small human kids poked his foot with a stick. He was too sore to get up right away, but he knew he was still lying in that parking lot he fell asleep in.

"Do you think it's dead?" One kid asked the other.

"It can't be dead, barf breath!" The other snapped rudely, "It's a robot!"

"Do you think it's an Autobot or a Decepticon?" The first kid asked.

"I dunno…" Replied the other kid, "Think our parents will let us keep it?"

Rumble was growing indignant, but rather than simply chase the kids away, he wanted to get a little satisfaction first! He slowly turned his hands into pile drivers, and then shook the ground all around himself and the annoying brats!

"Ahh! What was that?" The first kid asked.

"I'm makin' a hole for your graves, you little punks!" Rumble yelled over the sound of his own pounding.

" _AHH_!" The kids screamed in unison before running away from an irate Rumble.

"That almost felt good!" Rumble smiled triumphantly, "Now to find Frenzy!"

* * *

Frenzy knelt before Megatron as the Decepticon overlord glared down at him. They were alone on a country road, and Frenzy felt a shudder in his spark at being alone with such a dangerous mech. He was still too afraid to look his leader in the face, and he knew that whatever explanation he gave, if he was even allowed to give one, would be pointless. He and Rumble had left their posts.

"You and Rumble left your posts," Megatron said ominously, "You've been gone for 5 earth months without so much as a single transmission to report your location to me!"

"I'm sorry, boss!" Frenzy pleaded, "Our comm signals were damaged! We weren't able to to-"

" _Silence_!" Megatron roared, "You were not given permission to leave the base! Now I find you after you've abandoned your posts for _months_?! You and your brother are traitors to the Decepticon cause! There is only one punishment for treason…"

"Please, Lord Megatron!" Frenzy shouted; using Megatron's official title for perhaps the first time ever, "We're not traitors! We did all this for you! We wanted to conquer human cities to harvest more energon for you! Please forgive us for taking so long! We're sorry!"

Even without Rumble by his side, Frenzy couldn't help but refer to himself as we. His brother was as much a part of him as his own circuits.

"Oh? You wanted to conquer cities for me, eh?" Megatron asked mockingly, "And how many cities do you have at your beckon call, Frenzy?"

"Um...none, sir…" Frenzy answered in a tiny timid voice.

"None…" Megatron reaffirmed, "Then you are weak! Weakness coupled with treason! You are lower than an Autobot, Frenzy! I will not put up with traitorous weaklings in my unit!"

"But you put up with Starscream!" Frenzy exclaimed before he could stop himself.

Megatron's scowl deepened, and he would've looked like he was pouting if it weren't for the glowing red optics that shone with pure hatred. He didn't speak to Frenzy for a few seconds. Instead he pushed a few buttons on his chest armor. Frenzy's armor beeped in response, and with a sickening dread he knew what the old warlord had done to him…

" _No_!" Frenzy shouted, "Not the self-destruct bomb! You can't! I promise I'll do better! Please give us another chance!"

"Too late," Megatron said with finality as he turned to fly away, "In 50 astro seconds there won't even be enough of you left for spare parts. Farewell, traitor."

With those soft spoken yet cryptic words Megatron flew away; leaving Frenzy on the narrow country road alone and his life literally ticking away!

Frenzy started running around panicking! He needed to find a way to disarm the bomb next to his spark chamber! Why, oh _why_ did Megatron insist on every soldier having one of these stupid things? Furthermore, how did Starscream get his off?

He grabbed a nearby rock and started banging it against his chest like a caveman! That wasn't really doing anything besides putting dents in his chassis. Next he pulled a fence post out of the ground and tried to use the sharp but muddy tip to pry open his chest compartment! No luck!

Frenzy was running out of ideas when he realized something that made him feel stupid...It was _his_ chest! He could just push a button on his forearm to open it!

Heaving a sigh, Frenzy opened his chest compartment to remove the bomb, but before he could even get to it he saw the timer ticking 4, 3, 2, 1, _0_!

"Nooooo!" Frenzy wailed as he waited for the kaboom.

The bomb casing rattled, but instead of a 2 megaton bomb exploding him to bits, a piece of paper flew out of the casing and into the air!

Frenzy grabbed the paper, wondering what blessed being saved his life that day. He looked down at the paper, and the note read: _Dear Frenzy, I am borrowing your time bomb for a prank. Promise to return it soon. Rumble ;)_

"Whew!" Frenzy sat down hard on his aft as he looked over the note again.

For once, he was grateful that Rumble was a moocher that never returned anything he borrowed. He smiled and let the note fly away in the breeze and into the sky.


	12. The Replacements

_Author's Notes: Okay, I did something in this fic I thought I would never do...I put Soundwave in a scenario! Also, this chapter is silly. I hope it's not too much, but I just couldn't help myself! Anyway, thank you all for reading! I hope you review, favorite, and/or follow :)_

* * *

Chapter 12

The Replacements

Soundwave and Starscream watched Hook as he worked on his latest project. This had to be one of Megatron's dumbest ideas yet, and for once both commanding officers were in agreement on that fact.

"Additional cassettes: unnecessary," Soundwave sighed; watching as Hook prepped the operating table for his new test subjects.

"I'm sorry, but this is Megatron's direct orders," Hook replied; not sounding sorry at all.

"I can't believe we're really going through with this!" Starscream shouted indignantly, "We could lose a perfectly good gestalt because of this foolish plan!"

" _Do we really have to do this?_ " The Reflector triplets asked in unison.

"Affirmative," Soundwave replied, though he sounded just as defeated as they did, "Megatron's orders: will be obeyed."

The Reflectors sighed together as they sat on the edge of an operating berth and waited. Hook was going to reformat them. Now instead of turning into a single camera they would combine to turn into a single cassette! This seemed ridiculous and unnecessary! Their jobs weren't even going to change! Rumble and Frenzy had served as spies too, though they weren't as good as the Reflectors.

"It's the giant purple gryphon all over again!" Starscream exclaimed as he threw his hands up in the air, "At this rate we might as well surrender to the Autobots!"

"Starscream's display: overly dramatic," Soundwave chided the seeker, "Reflectors: acceptable replacements."

The truth was he didn't think the Reflectors would fit in with his team. He already had Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, and Ratbat. He didn't need three more mouths to energize. Besides that, his team missed Rumble and Frenzy and had hoped for their safe return. Megatron blowing Frenzy to The Pit pretty much derailed those hopes for the future.

Still, he was willing to try. If Megatron wanted more cassettes, then Soundwave would give him what he wanted. To be fair, Megatron was the only reason he built Rumble and Frenzy in the first place. Before them his only cassette was Ravage, and that was all he had ever planned on having. Megatron, however, insisted on more soldiers for the Decepticon cause, and Soundwave loyally obliged.

He sighed when he thought of how most tyrannical leaders were satisfied with money or confirmed kills. Why couldn't he have a leader that wasn't so _weird_? Because of Megatron's lunacy they were going to be the proud owners of the universe's first gestalt cassette!

* * *

Frenzy had been walking for days by the time he made it to a small town in a rural district. He had been talking to himself the whole time, and he was sick of the loneliness! He needed Rumble! At the very least, he needed _someone_ to talk to! He wasn't sure how to alleviate his boredom and borderline depression, but when he saw a human jogging his way he got an idea…

He started chasing the jogging human, and the oblivious man didn't even notice until Frenzy was nearly within tackling range!

"Ahh!" The man screamed when he saw the Decepticon barreling right toward him, and started running faster!

Frenzy was faster, however, and after a few minutes caught up to the human! The man struggled to get away from Frenzy, but it was no use; the Cassetticon was stronger.

"What do you want from me?" The man wailed as he continued to struggle.

"Listen up, fleshie!" Frenzy said forcefully, "I've got a gun in my subspace that's just beggin' for someone to shoot! That someone is gonna be _you_ unless you do exactly what I say! Got it?"

"Uh-huh…" The man nodded pitifully.

"Good! Now, we're gonna take over the city!" Frenzy said with an evil smirk, "Oh, and by the way, from now on your name's Rumble."

"Excuse me?" The man asked incredulously.

"You're not excused," Frenzy deadpanned, "Now, where do you think is a good place to set up our headquarters, Rumble?"

The man groaned uncomfortably. Not only was he being held hostage by a trigger happy Decepticon, but he was being held by a _crazy_ trigger happy Decepticon.

"Well? I'm waitin'!" Frenzy demanded, "Where should we go if we're gonna take over the town?"

"Um...City Hall?" The man offered feebly; still out of breath from his jog and being chased by a psychopathic robot.

"Good idea, Rumble! I knew I could count on you!" Frenzy said with a wide smile that seemed partially genuine and partially mocking.

* * *

The next couple of days went surprisingly well for Frenzy and his reluctant new accomplice. They threw the mayor out of City Hall, and when a TV news crew came to film the scene it was the perfect time for Frenzy to make his demands: total control of the small town or people would die! Oh, and a pizza for _Rumble_ who hadn't eaten since being abducted by Frenzy.

The town Frenzy took over didn't even have as many as 2,000 people in it, but it was near a hydroelectric dam, and was therefore the perfect place for Frenzy's new slaves to start collecting energon. Before long he was using a storage locker facility to store the cubes. Megatron threw him away, but _now_ look who's laughing!

Despite the small scale of the invasion, it did not go unnoticed by the Autobots. Jazz and Tracks were dispatched to the town to stop Frenzy's reign of terror!

When they got there they were greeted by a horde of grateful humans awaiting liberation from their tyrannical Decepticon overlord. Yes, Frenzy insisted they call him a tyrannical overlord…

When the pair of Autobots made it to City Hall, Frenzy was already outside waiting for them with a human in a sweaty track suit by his side. He drew his weapon, and Jazz and Tracks drew theirs.

"Hold it right there, Autobots!" Frenzy growled viciously, "If you so much as take one more step toward me, I'll kill Rumble!"

"...What?" Tracks asked flatly.

"You heard me, I'll do it!" Frenzy yelled frantically.

Jazz and Tracks looked at each other; not sure of what they were hearing. First of all, Rumble wasn't even there! Second of all, why would Frenzy want to kill his brother? Third, why would the Autobots be threatened by that?

Shrugging his shoulders, Jazz shot the gun right out of Frenzy's hands. Frenzy tried to use his drills to kill his new pet human Rumble, but Tracks saved the man before Frenzy could do anything!

Jazz shot Frenzy in the chassis, but the laser rifle was on a low setting. Frenzy tried to get up, but he couldn't. Surrounded by the two towering Autobots (even Jazz was bigger than him) Frenzy surrendered.

The Autobots took Frenzy prisoner, and the humans cheered for their saviors! Frenzy, meanwhile, was still feeling okay about everything. He had conquered a city by himself! Not only that, but the Autobot brig meant shelter, free energon, and a space that was still larger than Soundwave's chest compartment.


	13. Almost Paradise

_Author's Notes: Well, I finally got around to writing a new chapter of Rumble & Frenzy Vs. Everything. I hope it is up to standard. My original idea for this chapter was something completely different, but it wasn't funny enough. I also had a different ending in mind than what made the final cut, but I think it worked out for the best. I don't know why I'm so careful with this fic. I guess because humor is subjective and fickle. Oh well, enough babbling from me, I hope you enjoy this installment of Rumble & Frenzy Vs. Everything :)_

* * *

Chapter 13

Almost Paradise

Frenzy had figured out how to use his comm signal while being hauled away by the Autobots! This was great! It was the first time in months he'd been able to send out a signal! He knew calling the other Decepticons would be pointless since they all thought Megatron had killed him, so he contacted Rumble.

/Rumble! It's me, Frenzy!/ Frenzy's stress could clearly be heard over the comm line.

/Frenzy! You're alive!/ Rumble cried out in jubilation, /Where are you?/

/On my way to Autobot HQ!/ Frenzy said worriedly, /They're gonna interrogate me, I know it! You've gotta get me out of there!/

/I'm on my way, bro!/ Rumble declared.

Frenzy cut off the comm line and breathed a sigh of relief. He only hoped Jazz didn't notice (since he was riding in Jazz's backseat). He knew Rumble could get him out! Rumble was a determined mech with everything to prove!

* * *

"I can't do it!" Rumble muttered to himself as he walked to the Ark, "How am I gonna break into and out of the Autobot base by myself? They'll know I'm comin'! Frenzy's in there, and they know I'll want my brother back! I'd better get some supplies before I go try to rescue my twin."

Rumble walked around town until he found a sporting goods store. It wasn't the weapons shop he'd been hoping for, but it would have to do. He smashed in the glass with his pile drivers and shoved as many things as he could into his subspace; not really knowing what he would need.

"Don't worry Frenzy, I'm 'a comin'!"

* * *

Frenzy, meanwhile, was sitting in the same Autobot cell he and his brother had been in before. His guard was Beachcomber, and the blue minibot seemed content to just sit there and smile at nothing. It was so creepy!

Jazz came into the room a few minutes later. Frenzy wasn't as afraid of him as he was last time, but he still didn't know quite what to expect. Megatron thought he was dead. If the Autobots tried to ransom him off he didn't know what the old tyrant would think.

"So, how're ya holdin' up, Frenzy?" Jazz asked casually as he turned off the energy bars and walked into the cell with the minicon.

"Been better," Frenzy replied honestly, "So, did Prime try to get in touch with Megatron?"

"Not yet," Jazz shrugged nonchalantly.

"Well, he shouldn't bother," Frenzy said dejectedly, "Megatron thinks I'm dead. He thinks he blew me up after he found me. Didn't you hear? I'm not a Decepticon anymore. I'm nothin'!"

"Oh yeah?" Jazz asked; his curiosity piqued, "Well then, ya wanna be somethin'?"

"What are you talkin' about?" Frenzy asked sourly.

"I'm talkin' about joinin' the Autobots," Jazz said point blank, "Ya need a place to go, and we could use a mech like you. Slag, we could use _any_ mech at this point!"

"Why should I join you bozos?" Frenzy asked harshly.

"Well, 'cause ya won't be imprisoned for treason against Cybertron," Jazz said simply, "Also, the humans give us all the energon we want. No more scrapin' by. Ya'd have enough to refuel on."

That _did_ sound attractive to the black and red cassette.

"Also, if yer on our side, then we can protect ya from Megatron," Jazz added.

 _Now_ he had Frenzy's attention! No more Megatron? No more starving? No jail time? All he'd have to do is fight like he would've done anyway except for a new side. Well, that and pretend to love squishies. Eh, he'd sunk lower before.

"Do I get my own room?" Frenzy asked hopefully.

"Yup," Jazz nodded with a wide grin.

"Can Rumble join too?" Frenzy asked.

"If he wants," Jazz shrugged, "Ya both have the right to choose your own destiny. That's what the Autobots fight for, and we hope you'll fight for it, too."

"At this point, I'd fight for polka-dotted ponies' freedom to clog dance if it meant I'd get energy every day!" Frenzy exclaimed with a wide grin of his own, "I'm in!"

"Wonderful! I'll tell Prime," Jazz said as he walked back over to the bars and powered them down, "You'll need to stay in here a few more moments, but once everythin's cleared up we'll move ya to guest quarters."

Frenzy was so giddy he actually waved goodbye to Jazz in a friendly manner. Who knew the Autobots had such a sweet gig? Free energy and the adulation of an entire planet of tiny organics! Frenzy wondered if the humans had set up a fan club for the Autobots. If so, then he'd have to drop by and spread some ugly rumors about some of his most hated _former_ enemies. He could also let it slip that Long Haul was Devastator's pelvis...

* * *

Rumble stood in front of Autobot Headquarters and drew in a deep intake of air. He needed his wits about him if he was going to rescue his brother from those evil Autobots. He rummaged through his subspace to find one of the items he procured from the sports shop, and he pulled out a pole vaulting stick!

"Aw, come on! A _stick_?" Rumble complained, "What am I supposed to do with this?"

He thought about it for a moment, trying to think like a human to see what a human would do with such an item. Finally, he figured it out…

Rumble ran up to the Ark and started hitting the hull repeatedly with the stick like a caveman!

"Die you stupid Autobot ship! Die! Die! Die!" Rumble shouted as he whacked the orange structure with the powerless wooden stick.

No matter how often he hit the thing, it simply wouldn't budge. Rumble broke the stick over his knee in frustration! He needed something better! He dug around in his subspace pocket again and pulled out a pair of rollerblades!

"Okay, these clearly don't fit my feet," Rumble thought out loud, "These are a size 8, and I'm a size 24 quadruple wide. Hm...There has to be a use for these things...Oh! I've got it! If I weld these little wheels to my feet I'll go faster, and be able to evade the sensor net with my amazing speed!"

With his plan in mind, Rumble began to gently remove the wheels from the roller blades. It was busy work due to how the blasted things were designed, but eventually he got them apart. He took out his soldering iron and welded four wheels to each foot. With the wheels in place, he was ready for action!

Rumble pushed himself to make himself skate, but he was too heavy, and the wheels were too small, so they broke under his weight.

"Aw, nuts!" Rumble grunted as he searched for something else, "You know what? Forget this! I don't need any of this human junk! I'm a Decepticon! I can make this rescue work with my own two servos and my amazing processor!"

Rumble sat down on a boulder to think about his plan. Three hours later, when the sun was almost out of the sky, he finally came up with something!

"I know! I'll dig under the Ark! Then I'll just pop up inside the place like a gopher and grab Frenzy! Then we can run back through the hole and escape!"

Rumble started digging. Fortunately, he was a good digger since he could pound a fault line with his pile drivers and then just dig through the crack in the ground! Frenzy was the better digger with his drills, but Rumble figured a mech can't have everything. He dug and dug until his sensors showed he was under the Ark. He dug straight upward to get to his brother, but then hit his head on the solid metal floor of the hard unmovable spaceship!

"Ow! Oh, right. Metal...I forgot about that…" Rumble muttered as he rubbed his aching helm, "Okay, I need a new plan…"

Rumble sat in his gopher hole and tried to think of a new plan, but his processor was coming up short. Then he remembered something...pile drivers! He could just use his pile drivers to pound a hole in the metal over his helm! Pile drivers solve everything!

With renewed vigor, he pounded on the floor/ceiling above his head until a hole was formed, and then he widened the hole with his hands until he could fit through! The first thing he felt as he poked his head out was steam. Nice, warm steam…

"Ahh!" He heard someone above him scream.

Rumble looked up to find Tracks; his face filled with shock as he stood there holding a washcloth and futilely trying to cover his chest plate! That was when Rumble noticed Tracks' wiring was exposed, and also figured out where he was...The Autobot wash racks!

"Oh, frag! It burns!" Rumble shrieked as he crawled out of the hole and covered his visor with his arm.

Before Tracks could pummel him, Rumble ran out of the room and into the hallway. Tracks chased him down, and Rumble ran even faster! He hoped he could find the brig, but at this point he'd be lucky if he could get out of this without purging his fuel tanks! Nothing worse than seeing a naked Autobot's bare wiring!

Rumble could hear Tracks transforming behind him, and knew the corvette would catch up to him if he drove fast enough! Rumble decided to fight fire with fire and transform, too. Problem was, Rumble forgot his alt mode was a cassette tape, and he just flopped on the floor with an unimpressive _clack_.

Oddly enough this actually had the desired effect, as Tracks drove right over him and didn't even notice he had passed by the little Decepticon.

Rumble changed back and started running in the opposite direction! He only hoped that Frenzy was still alive wherever he was…

* * *

"Ah, this is the life…" Frenzy sighed contentedly as he sipped on a cube of energon and walked with Jazz to Teletran I.

Frenzy walked at a languid pace as he contemplated his new life. Soon he would have to contact Rumble and let him know they were going to be okay. Sure, it was the life of a soft-sparked Autobot, but at least they wouldn't have to cower before Megatron or be shoved inside Soundwave again.

"Y'know, I think the Autobot sigil will look good on me," Frenzy said casually to Jazz, "I'm already black and red, so what's a little more red gonna hurt?"

"That's the spirit, Frenzy," Jazz said agreeably as they walked.

Just then, they heard frantic footsteps coming at them from down the hall! Frenzy already knew who it was by the sound of his small but loud feet...Rumble!

Rumble crashed right into Frenzy when he turned the corner! Frenzy was a little dazed as Rumble got up and grabbed his brother's wrist; dragging him away from Jazz.

"Don't worry Frenzy, I'll get you outta here!" Rumble vowed as he ran with his brother trailing behind him.

" _Uh_...Are you my mommy?" Frenzy asked as bubbles swam in his vision.

Rumble and Frenzy passed by a few Autobots, but they didn't really know whether or not they should chase the pair down. They had all heard that Frenzy might be joining them, so they were left uncertain.

By the time the Autobots knew the 'Cons were staying 'Cons, it was too late. Rumble had already escaped with Frenzy and had made it several yards outside the Ark. He ran to the trees for cover and continued to pull his brother along. Finally, after a few minutes Rumble stopped and let go of his brother's wrist.

"You okay, Frenzy? Can you transform?" Rumble asked finally.

Frenzy wavered for a minute, and then he said "I claim this land in the name of polka-dotted ponies!" He then went into stasis lock.


	14. All Tied Up

_Author's Notes: This is just a short chapter this time. I guess I've developed a bit of a pattern for these Rumble & Frenzy sketches, but this chapter still came out okay. I thank everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed this story! I always love to hear from those that read my work :)_

* * *

Chapter 14

All Tied Up

"I can't believe you did that to me!" Frenzy yelled for what had have been the fifth time that day, "The Autobots were gonna let us join them! We coulda had it made! Free energy and our own rooms!"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first hundred times…" Rumble grumbled as he trudged along the forest alongside his irate twin.

"It was just so stupid!" Frenzy said for what had to be the tenth time that day, "Why didn't you contact me after you approached the Ark? Now they'll never take us!"

"And why would you _want_ them to?" Rumble asked; tired of his brother's complaining, "They're Autobots! Don't you remember? Freedom for all sentient weaklings? Fight for the rights of all breakable losers? Oh, and let's not forget the worst part: they keep humans as pets! Do you really want your own room if it's covered in human dander? I sure don't!"

Frenzy growled under his breath but said nothing more for a few minutes. They had been in the forest for two days by this time, and there didn't seem to be an end in sight. When Frenzy came to that day and saw that Rumble had derailed their gravy train, he was naturally ticked off. Ever since then they had gone back and forth with the same argument about the Autobots.

Frenzy was so mad that he didn't even notice as a little bit of his cassette tape fell out of his chest and snagged on a tree branch. He didn't notice, that is, until he was tugged back to the tree where his tape was knotted to the branch!

"Ow! What the- oh. Fraggin' weeds…" Frenzy muttered irritably as he stomped back to the tree to try to pull the filmy tape loose.

He gently worked the knot, but instead of coming loose it just knotted up tighter! He growled, and tried tugging a little harder, but it wouldn't give! He tried rolling the tape back in, but that just made the knot tighter and pulled painfully on the inside of his chest like hairs caught in a band aid!

"Hey Rumble!" Frenzy hollered, "Get back over here and help me unwind my tape!"

Rumble walked over and saw Frenzy's predicament, and spared a moment to laugh at his struggling brother's expense.

"It's not funny!" Frenzy snapped, "I need to keep this tape intact! There's some really good footage on here, not to mention my music collection."

"You keep footage on cassette tape? What are you, a betamax?" Rumble quipped.

"Just shut up and help me!" Frenzy whined.

"Fine…" Rumble started working on the tape, "Ah, see, here's the problem. You just need to roll out some more tape so you can work freely…"

Rumble rolled out most of Frenzy's tape, and Frenzy stepped around the tree to let Rumble have room to work. Rumble walked around the tree with the tape to make room for Frenzy to move, and Frenzy spun around to see what Rumble was doing. This went on for a few minutes until Frenzy's tape was haphazardly wrapped around both himself and the tree! Frenzy was tied to the tree by his own cassette ribbon!

"Oh no…" Frenzy said quietly as he realized what happened, "Rumble, you idiot! This is the second thing you've screwed up this week!"

"Okay then, just turn your hands into drills and free yourself," Rumble said coolly.

"No! I don't wanna lose my tape!" Frenzy wailed, "I have footage of Soundwave when he got overcharged at that victory party and started breakdancing!"

"No way!" Rumble exclaimed, impressed, "Alright then, we'll just have to carefully unwind the tape…"

"Hurry up, will ya? I look like a virgin sacrifice!" Frenzy complained.

"Yeah, you got the _virgin_ part right," Rumble snickered impishly.

"Oh, shut up, you glitch!" Frenzy barked furiously.

Rumble continued to chuckle as he worked on Frenzy's tape. The black and red cassette grumbled as his twin worked on trying to free him. This was humiliating, and after everything they'd been through after leaving Decepticon HQ, Frenzy was really starting to hate trees, poles, and basically anything that stuck out of the ground in a straight line!

"OOWW!" Frenzy screamed when Rumble yanked too hard, "Knock it off, manifolds for brains! You have to _carefully_ unwind it."

"Oh come on, everybody knows yanking it is faster, and therefore doesn't hurt for as long," Rumble reasoned.

"Yeah, but the tape will be compromised!" Frenzy reminded him, "No yanking!"

"Alright, sheesh!" Rumble conceded, "I get it, no more yanking. Just hold still while I try to find the starting point of the film."

As Rumble worked, Frenzy saw something coming up behind his brother. At first he worried it was one of those teddy bear creatures he had heard so much about, but then it came out of the woods, and it was something worse…

"Hey dudes, what's happening?" A human with long blonde dreadlocks asked them.

Rumble turned around, and at first all they did was stare. This human had lots of hair in corncob rows. He also wore tiny round sunglasses that looked like teal optics. His shirt was tie-dyed every color of the rainbow, and his jeans were filthy! Whatever this human smelled like, it wasn't pleasant.

"Sup, dudes?" The human repeated, "Did you come out here to commune with Mother Earth as well?"

"Oh yeah, sure!" Rumble replied sarcastically, "We Cybertronians _love_ your planet! It's like a home away from home! It's missing something though...Oh, I know! Some human corpses would make it feel just like home!"

Contrary to what they expected, the human didn't run away in fear. Instead, he was laughing! It was a disengaged laugh that told the twins this human was overcharged. It was a surreal sight to say the least.

"So dudes, I couldn't help but notice that one of you tied yourself to a tree," the man continued uninhibited, "Is a wrecking crew coming to tear down the forest?"

"I certainly hope not," Frenzy said as he stole a cursory glance around to make sure there were indeed no wrecking crews, "Actually, I'm kinda stuck here."

"Oh! Well then let me help you, my brother from the stars!" The man said with such enthusiasm that it was kind of uncomfortable.

The forest man then took a pair of scissors out of his man-purse and walked over to Frenzy to attempt to cut away the ribbon!

"No! Stay back, you smelly human!" Frenzy cried out frantically.

The man, however, wasn't paying attention due to his impaired state, and cut the tape down the middle; freeing Frenzy but destroying his files!

"There! Go! Be free, my alien brothers!" The hippie exclaimed as he lifted his arms heavenward.

"Hold him down, Rumble!" Frenzy ordered as he blocked the man's escape.

Rumble grabbed him and held him against the ground, and then man was too out of it to even know he was supposed to struggle. Frenzy wore a wicked smile as he looked down at the hapless human, and grabbed the pitiful pile of tape off the ground.

When the man's family found him three days later he was tied to a tree by cassette tape, and had some of the filmy ribbon stuffed in his mouth! Needless to say, the police had trouble getting a coherent statement out of the man as to what happened.


	15. Twin-sanity

_Author's Notes: Well, it's been a while since I posted anything for this story, so I figured it was about time. I would say this chapter is 65% action and 35% humor, but I still like the way it turned out. For some reason I had the Benny Hill music in my head while I was writing this. I guess that's good funny music for a funny fic :)_

* * *

Chapter 15

Twin-sanity

It had been a couple weeks since the tape incident. Rumble and Frenzy were walking along an open country road with trees on one side and a field on the other side. It was a beautiful sunshiney day, but the cassette twins weren't happy. They were low on fuel again, and starting to wonder if maybe they should've just groveled to Megatron like a couple of miniature Starscreams and hope they would be taken back. Hey, they could dream, couldn't they?

They plodded along in relative silence and hoped they would come across a gas station soon. Their peaceful pity party was interrupted, however, when they heard a couple of speeding cars coming in fast!

"Hit the dirt!" Rumble shouted as he pushed Frenzy and himself into the trees.

"Stupid cars!" Frenzy hissed, "Don't they know people walk on these roads?"

"Shh!" Rumble put his hand over Frenzy's mouth, "I think they're stopping."

The cassettes peeked over the weeds they were hiding in, and sure enough, two cars had stopped in the road and were transforming! Red and yellow Autobots appeared in all their menacing glory, and the cassette twins gulped in unison.

"Aw, scrap," Rumble whispered, "It's Sunstreaker and Sideswipe…"

"Hold me!" Frenzy whimpered as he hugged onto Rumble, but Rumble pushed him away.

Yes, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, the Lamborghini twins. They were famous among the Autobots and Decepticons alike for being ruthless and borderline sadistic in their dealings with their enemies. Unfortunately, Rumble and Frenzy counted as their enemies.

"Prowl said he detected two Decepticon signatures in this area," Sideswipe said to Sunstreaker as he looked at a monitor on his wrist, "According to this thing, they're close."

Sunstreaker looked up at the sky and said "Do you think it's seekers? We haven't practiced our jet judo in a while."

"I don't know," Sideswipe shrugged nonchalantly, "I hope it's Skywarp. He's always fun to fluster! Especially when he remembers he can teleport…"

The Autobot twins shared a good laugh over a memory Rumble and Frenzy weren't privy to. They were practically shaking as they realized the Autobots would find them soon.

"What're we gonna do?" Frenzy asked softly so the lambo twins wouldn't hear, "We're not gonna make it! We can't take on both of them! They're monsters!"

"Let me think...Okay, I've got an idea, but it's risky," Rumble said conspiratorially.

Frenzy grimaced. Every time Rumble said an idea was risky, it usually ended up with Frenzy getting hurt. Sometimes he wished his brother would stop using him as a Cybertronian guinea pig for his crazy ideas!

"Alright, Frenzy…" Rumble looked over the foliage to make sure they weren't spotted yet, "We gotta split up."

" _What_? No! Don't leave me by myself you slag head!" Frenzy exclaimed panickedly.

"Look, we can't take on both of them, but if it's one on one then the odds are fair. I'll go toward the field, and you go further into the forest. We're small, so hidin' should be easy. We just have to observe our predators and figure out their weak spot. Oh, don't gimme that look, Frenzy. We'll be fine. We're spies, remember?" Rumble gave his brother a reassuring squeeze on his arm before checking the perimeter one more time.

When it was clear the lambo twins weren't looking in their direction, Rumble started running across the road and into the field, which thankfully had wheat almost as tall as Rumble! Frenzy shimmied up a tree, getting an uncomfortable sense of deja vu, and watched Sideswipe and Sunstreaker to see what they would do.

"Hey, Sunny!" Sideswipe motioned for his brother, "Check this out! One of our bogeys is on the move. It's heading for the other side of the field!"

"What could Decepticons want out here in the middle of nowhere?" Sunstreaker asked rhetorically, "The nearest source of energy is over 40 mechano-miles away."

 _40 mechano-miles away?_ Frenzy thought of their low fuel, and his poor exhausted mind just couldn't take it anymore!

"Scrap!" They heard Frenzy curse from his spot in the tree.

They looked up in unison, and Frenzy in his panic used his cassette tape as a whip to grab hold of another tree deeper into the forest! He swung away like Tarzan, but then after a few more trees the tape broke and he had to run along the ground.

"Frenzy!" Sideswipe exclaimed.

"Um, _no_ _duh_!" Sunstreaker said snidely, "Alright, so I guess that means the other one is Rumble. Which one do you want to go after?"

"Rumble!" Sideswipe replied, "I still remember that time he broke my favorite gun with his stupid pile drivers!"

Sunstreaker sighed longsufferingly and said "Fine. I guess I have to go into the dirty mud-covered forest and chase down Frenzy like a Decepticon version of a pig. Of _course_ I get that job!"

"Would you quit whining and just go already?" Sideswipe slapped his brother on the back good-naturedly, and Sunstreaker looked like he wanted to tear Sideswipe's arm off.

Sideswipe ran into the wheat field after Rumble, and Sunstreaker stomped off into the forest to get Frenzy. The games had officially begun.

* * *

Rumble looked behind him, but he couldn't see anything due to the wheat. He hoped he was going somewhere useful, because if Sideswipe caught him out here he'd be lucky to get out alive! The cassette twins were strong and had drills and pile drivers, but they still would have trouble holding their own against two former gladiators that enjoyed ripping Decepticons apart for fun.

Rumble ducked down low and started crawling on his hands and knees. He hoped crouching down would keep him invisible.

Sideswipe, meanwhile, was watching as sections of wheat moved along; revealing whoever was hiding underneath. He smirked, and knew he had his prey. The red Lamborghini readied his own pile drivers and began to stalk the grass; ready to pounce on Rumble and give him a taste of his own energon.

Sideswipe took a few cautious steps as he watched the grass tips rustle and the form ahead retreat from him slowly. Finally, he lunged after the being under the wheat and grabbed it! That...was a mistake.

The badger growled in Sideswipe's hand and tried to bite his armor! Sideswipe threw the little beast away, but it chased after him! The idea of Sideswipe running away from something that (to him) was only as big as a mouse was pretty embarrassing, and Rumble sat just a few meters away on a bale of hay capturing the entire thing on video.

* * *

Frenzy, meanwhile, was up a tree once again and trying to evade Sunstreaker's sensors. This was the more psychotic of the Lamborghini twins, so Frenzy knew he needed to be careful.

He watched below him as Sunstreaker came into view. Frenzy needed to do two things: one, be quiet, and two, gather intelligence. The yellow Autobot had to have a weakness, and Frenzy was going to find it!

"I can't believe I'm stuck looking for one of those stupid Cassetticons out here in the middle of nowhere!" Sunstreaker complained, "They aren't even a threat! I mean seriously, when was the last time Soundwave even used either one of them? He uses a fragging _gestalt_ _cassette_ now for Pit's sake! Not to mention this dirt and mud! What if I ruin my armor out here? Ugh! I hate Sideswipe! He should've done this one while I went out in the field, but _no_! Lousy brother…"

Sunstreaker muttered as he walked away, but Frenzy had all he needed to know. He didn't know why he didn't think of this sooner...Sunstreaker was sensitive about his paint.

* * *

Sideswipe, in the meantime, had captured a badger, three birds, a dog, a cow, and two snakes. This was getting ridiculous! How many animals could possibly live in a wheat field!? Furthermore, he still hadn't found Rumble, and by now he was getting tired.

/Hey, Sunny. You find Frenzy yet?/ Sideswipe asked over his comm signal.

/No, and I never will find him if I have to stop every 5 minutes to talk to you,/ Sunstreaker replied rudely.

/Yeah, yeah, I love you too, Sunshine.../ Sideswipe muttered under his vocalizer.

Sunstreaker growled and shut off the comm link; leaving Sideswipe to continue his quest.

Sideswipe sighed as he looked up at the setting sun above him. They had been at this for hours, and Prime would wonder why they weren't back at the Ark yet. They had to find those stupid 'Cons, otherwise this would all be a waste of time.

After a few more minutes Sideswipe heard something metal hitting a rock, followed by a string of loud curses. Rumble! He had him this time!

Sideswipe transformed into car mode and drove as fast as he could in the direction of the miniature Decepticon, and Rumble only had time to widen his visor in shock as Sideswipe ran him over! Rumble flipped over the car hood, and Sideswipe changed back into robot mode and pinned the little twerp down on the ground!

"No, wait! I surrender!" Rumble hollered from under Sideswipe, "Don't kill me! There's so much in life I haven't got to do yet!"

"Yeah, well you shoulda thought of that before you wasted my time!" Sideswipe shouted back at the cassette twin.

"Oh, come on! That wasn't my fault!" Rumble protested, "I didn't tell you to chase me down like I was some kind of turbo fox! Come on! I still haven't even been to Brazil, or got that promotion, or pulled that last prank on Skywarp I was plannin'! Have a spark, man!"

"What prank on Skywarp?" Sideswipe asked; suddenly curious now that his favorite subject had just come up.

"I was gonna switch his energon with purple paint, and then fill the wash racks with glitter so that when he tried to wash it off he'd get covered in the stuff!" Rumble explained enthusiastically.

"Hm...That's good, but you're missing one key element," Sideswipe said as he got off Rumble and then sat down beside him.

"Oh, yeah? What's that?" Rumble asked.

"Glue," Sideswipe said simply, "The glitter prank doesn't work without glue. Also, that is kind of an old one. My latest prank on Prowl is gonna be much better than that! I'm procuring custom made balloons that I will fill with sour cream and then rig to a string above his office door. When he opens the door the sour cream balloons will dump all over him! It's genius!"

"That's nothin'!" Rumble replied caustically, "One time I built an exact replica of Long Haul, but I made it look like he was covered in cosmic rust sores. Then I stuck it in Starscream's berth. You shoulda seen his face! Oh, wait! I've got a video!"

Rumble then showed Sideswipe the video of Starscream flying up to the ceiling in fear and bumping his helm on a light fixture. Starscream actually blasted a few holes in the dummy before he realized it wasn't really Long Haul. Sideswipe laughed until his struts were sore, and then he showed Rumble a video of his latest prank on Powerglide where he wrote _I heart Coneheads_ on his wings while he was recharging. Rumble laughed until cleaning fluid leaked from his visor at that one!

The two spent the next couple hours comparing different pranks they had pulled over the vorns, and by the time they were out of material Sideswipe decided to let Rumble go...but only just this once.

* * *

Sunstreaker looked up at the sky, and saw that it was almost dark. That made it hard to see where he was going since the trees covered most of the sky. He huffed in frustration but continued his hunt for the red and black Decepticon. No way was Frenzy going to get away after wasting this much of his time!

Just as Sunstreaker was ready to give up he heard a rustling in some bushes, and he saw a sight straight from his nightmares...It was Frenzy, and he was covered in _mud_! There was so much mud on the Cassetticon that he had to move slowly in order to keep from tripping!

Frenzy knew this was the best way to scare Sunstreaker away. In fact, it might be the _only_ way to get rid that yellow maniac.

"Alright Autobot, here's the deal," Frenzy said smugly, "You can beat me up all you want, but if you do, you'll get mud all over your new paint job!" Frenzy even added in a few muahahahas for effect. "Oh, and I'll also make sure to add in a few scratches out of spite!"

"No! Get away from me, you freak!" Sunstreaker shouted in disgust.

Sunstreaker then backed away and turned to leave. Frenzy couldn't believe it was that easy! He was so happy!

"In yo face, Goldilocks!" Frenzy shouted as he started to do a victory dance.

The dancing...was a bad idea. When Frenzy shook like that he dislodged some of the loose mud on his frame, and some of it landed directly on Sunstreaker! The world seemed to happen in slow motion as Frenzy watched in horror the mud falling onto the Autobot's body, and the slowly contorting face plate from disbelief to anger as Sunstreaker processed what happened.

The Autobot's blue optics shone white as he looked ready to kill something, and unfortunately that something was Frenzy!

"Hey now, wait just a minute!" Frenzy backed away and held his hands up in a peacekeeping gesture, "I'll clean it off...And I'll help you find a nice body shop that does wax jobs...Oh, come on Sunstreaker, I'm sorry!"

Sunstreaker's slow stomping motions soon turned into a full run, and Frenzy ran away even faster to save his spark! They both ran further into the forest, and if Frenzy was nervous before, he was definitely in panic mode now!


	16. Is There A Doc In The House?

_Author's Notes: Well...I think I might've given the human characters in this chapter too much personality. I'm not so sure that's a good thing considering they're only going to be in this one chapter. Oh well, it served the story. Part of me is wondering if I should eventually write an ending for this fic or leave it as an eternal joke dump. Thank you to everyone who has read this so far, and I hope you enjoy this chapter :)_

* * *

Chapter 16

Is There A Doc In The House?

"Frenzy! Oh, Frenzy!" Rumble had been calling for his brother all night, and now that it was morning he was starting to get both annoyed and concerned that he wasn't able to find his twin. "Oh, come on Frenzy! This isn't funny anymore!"

Rumble was just about to take a break when he heard the sound of something metal scraping across the pavement, and turned around to see Frenzy dragging his own severed arm on the ground! Frenzy's face looked both angry and tired, and Rumble could already guess what happened.

"You got Sunny's paint job dirty, didn't you?" Rumble asked knowingly.

"Yeah…" Frenzy replied; his tone one of defeat, "He ripped my arm right out of the socket! I guess I'm just lucky it wasn't my head. I was barely able to escape, and I had to go back hours later to get my arm back. I don't know how to fix it."

"Yeah, neither do I," Rumble told him.

When they lived on the Nemesis Soundwave always did their repairs for them, so neither one learned how to do repairs for themselves. That lack of insight was coming back to bite them in the skid plates as they realized that Frenzy could be stuck like this forever. Rumble wondered if Frenzy would continue to carry the arm around even years later like a hobo carrying a bindle.

The twins knew they needed to find a way to repair the severed limb, but that was no easy task. They were in the boonies with no sign of civilization in sight. With no other options, they started walking down the road just as they had done before those stupid Autobots showed up.

* * *

It was several hours later before they made it to a small town. The place wasn't big, but it did have a few homegrown businesses peppering the landscape. They hoped that there would be something to help Frenzy with his repairs.

They walked along the street reading the signs; looking for anything useful. There wasn't a lot. Human grocery stores, a clothing store, a place that sold antique furniture that wasn't even as old as Rumble's latest paint job, and a diner that smelled like smoke. It looked like they wouldn't find anything here, but then a sign showed them the answer like an angel touching down and handing them crib notes to a test! The sign said "Doc's Hardware".

"Doc? Hardware? Hey Frenzy, it's a robot medic!" Rumble exclaimed happily, "Yes! We're saved!"

Rumble dragged Frenzy by his one remaining arm and together they walked into the hardware store. The little bell rang when they opened the door, and they stopped for a second to make sure it wasn't an alarm or something. Confident that everything was fine, they walked up to the counter where an old guy with a silver mustache and ponytail was reading a copy of Reader's Digest.

"Hey, flesh bag! Where's the Doc?" Rumble demanded of the man.

"That'd be me," the man replied nonchalantly as he continued to read his magazine and not look up at the Decepticons, "What can I do for ya?"

"Repair my brother or I'll pound you into paste!" Rumble threatened him.

Only then did the man look up from his magazine. He saw the Decepticons, and his eyebrows raised slightly in mild shock. It didn't show on his face, but he was feeling very wary of the unwanted visitors.

"Uh, we don't do repairs. Just sales," Doc informed them, "Now if ya'll want some lumber we've got a special on cherry wood."

"Don't play dumb with us, fleshy!" Rumble growled and shook his fist in anger (Frenzy shook his dismembered arm at the guy), "You'd better repair my brother, or he ain't gonna be the only one around here missing an arm!"

The shopkeeper tugged at his collar a bit and hitched up his pants, but otherwise showed no signs of being rattled by the 7 foot tall robots. He let out a long breath and then reluctantly nodded and guided them to a table in the back with a circular saw attached to it.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Frenzy shrieked, "Are you gonna cut me in half?"

"Nope," Doc replied, "I just don't have another table. Hop on and I'll have a look at your wiring. I know it's alien tech, but maybe I can figger somethin' out."

Frenzy let out a nervous whine and backed up a few steps. He didn't want to be some squishy's science experiment!

"Get on the table, you big sparkling!" Rumble snapped and pulled Frenzy to the table.

" _Nooo_! I don't wanna be turned into tuna fish cans!" Frenzy cried out dramatically as Rumble got behind him and pushed him closer to the table.

"Hey Doc, what's goin' on?" A strapping young man with black hair came from a back room and asked.

"Hey, Ricky. I'm just takin' care of some customers," Doc replied casually, "Hey, ya wanna help me perform surgery on an alien robot?"

"Uh...What?" Ricky asked; utterly confused.

"Yeah, this here robot needs me to reattach his arm," Doc explained, "Ya wanna help me?"

"Oh okay, sure," Ricky nodded as if that clarified everything, "What do you want me to do?"

"Just hold the arm while I examine the wires," Doc instructed the new guy.

"Okay," Ricky nodded compliantly.

The two men looked over Frenzy's circuitry, and the Cassetticon was feeling very uncomfortable having humans stare at him like he was one of Shockwave's latest freaks. He twitched and shifted, but Rumble held onto his chest so he couldn't get away. The two humans let out a veritable chorus of "m-hm" and "huh" over the next few minutes. It was annoying, but the twins put up with it for the sake of Frenzy's arm (and sanity).

Finally, Doc straightened up out of his crouched position beside Frenzy's arm hole and hitched up his pants again. He nodded appraisingly as he pondered what to do.

"Well, the way I see it," Doc said, "I think we can attach these wires no problem. The little black ones have colored-coded stripes, and the clear ones are all different sizes. There's some loose circuit boards that can be tightened easily, and I should probably clean out the dust and dirt so your gears won't make so much noise when ya move. Ricky, get me some electrical tape."

"Sure thing, Doc," Ricky nodded enthusiastically and went to leave, but then stopped in the doorway, "Uh...Which one's the electrical tape?"

"The black rolls, Ricky," Doc reminded him with a long-suffering tone to his voice, "Sorry 'bout that fellas. He's new to the job. Dumb as a post, but he _is_ my son-in-law. Oh, well. What can ya do?"

Rumble always hated it when the humans tried to have a conversation with him, and the slow way this guy talked made him even more difficult to listen to. Not to mention that accent was kind of close to Ironhide's, which made Rumble hate him more. If this guy weren't a medic Rumble would probably burn this whole place to the ground.

Ricky came back with the tape, and Doc started the intricate work of reconnecting the wires to the arm. While Doc was doing that Ricky went to the back room and came back out with a mask and a welding torch for reattaching the severed limb when the connections were all in place. Frenzy took one look at that welding torch, and he panicked anew!

" _Noooo_!" Frenzy screamed as he struggled to out of Rumble's firm grip, "Let me go! Let me go! Let me go! I don't want those butchers anywhere near me! No! No! I don't want the arm back! Let me _goooo_!"

"What's his problem?" Ricky asked blandly.

"He knows the torch is gonna hurt," Rumble explained, "Unless you guys have pain relievin' software like the Constructicons."

"Nope, sorry, ain't got that," Doc shrugged, and Frenzy screamed again, "Now hold on! We'll think of somethin', don't worry 'bout it. Now, how to deal with metal that has feelings…?"

Doc pondered their next course of action, and Ricky gently placed the arm next to Frenzy on the table. The connections were almost in place, but they didn't want to cause the robot any more discomfort than necessary.

Finally, Doc nodded a few times and said "Ricky, get me some shop rags and some water. We'll put the rags around the arm to keep from warpin' the metal while we're reattachin' the limb, and hopefully that'll keep it from hurtin' 'im."

"Sounds good, Doc," Ricky replied as he went to get the requested items.

Rumble watched the men work with a critical optic, but they didn't seem like they were trying to hurt Frenzy. Frenzy cringed a few times, but the water rag trick seemed to be working. He vented a few times to calm himself, but Frenzy didn't try to escape this time. Everything was going well as Ricky worked the welder, but then he accidentally hit the edge of a severed energon fuel line, and a tiny drop of the liquid energy caught fire and landed on the floor!

"Ahh! Fire! Fire! The whole place is goin' down!" Rumble screamed in a panic.

"Relax, Mr. Roboto," Doc drawled over the screaming mech, "Ricky, get a bag of sand to put this out while I finish connectin' the other one's arm."

"Sure thing, Doc," Ricky replied, but after a few seconds he asked, "Which one is the sand again?"

"The sandy colored bag that says _sand_ , ya idjit!" Doc snapped as he carefully welded the last bit of metal into place.

The fire spread across the floor, and if Frenzy weren't at the mercy of these humans Rumble would've just let them burn, but as it was they were all trapped in the flaming hardware store. Realizing Ricky would probably bring back a bag of scorpions or something equally moronic, Rumble ran into the main part of the store and grabbed a bag of sand himself, then dumped it on the flames to extinguish them.

"Fire's out," Rumble announced, "No thanks to your monkey boy."

"Yeah, well your friend is all fixed up," Doc declared as he stood back to admire his own handiwork, "Not too shabby if I say so myself. Ya'll will probably wanna get goin' before it gets dark. Here's my card. Call me if'n ya ever need any tools or lumber. Have a good one, fellas."

Frenzy tested his new arm by lifting a couple paint cans. They weren't heavy for a Cybertronian, but he had to make sure the joints were all working properly. The limb seemed to be just fine. With their business concluded, Rumble and Frenzy went out the back door and started walking down the alleyway.

They only went a few steps before they noticed little flecks of something floating through the air. They looked up at it first in alarm, but then in wonderment. It was so beautiful...

"Is this snow?" Rumble asked softly.

"Nope," Doc answered from the window while still inside the store, "It's summertime in these parts, fellas. That there's the lint from my dryer hose."

Doc then pointed with his thumb over to where a big dryer hose was spouting lint out the other window. Wonder quickly turned to disgust for the twins as they each made a face.

"You should probably get that fixed," Rumble suggested.

"Can't. Don't know how," Doc told him matter-of-factly, "I ain't never been good with appliances."

Frenzy turned to Rumble with an indignant look on his face plate that was lightly mixed with horror.

"Rumble...if my arm falls off I'll kill you."


	17. Ill Will At Goodwill

_Author's Notes: This chapter is pretty short. Normally I wouldn't even bother with a chapter this short, but there are two reasons I made an exception this time. One, this is just a lead-in to more of the plot later on and I thought it was good enough to leave it where it was. Two, I'm going to be busy for a while and might not have time to update my stories as much as I would like to, so I pulled up a half-finished chapter on my computer and finished it for you guys. Please review, and thank you for your patience :)_

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Chapter 17

Ill Will At Goodwill

Frenzy took a sip from their energon cube, sighed contentedly, and then passed it to Rumble. They had only managed to get one cube of energon before the owner of that gas station had chased them away with a rifle. Bullets didn't penetrate their armor, but the little pellets bouncing off them was painful and annoying. They figured it was best to not press their luck.

They sat behind a strip mall amidst the discarded cardboard boxes and pallets trying to stay hidden from prying human eyes. It was dark out, and the clouds obstructed the view of the stars in the sky. Both of them shared a look that asked the same question: how did it come to this? They had dreams of conquering these flesh bags, but now they were hiding from them like little sparklings! The duo wanted to reclaim their dignity, but they didn't know how to do that.

Their thoughts were interrupted by the sound of thunder, and they looked up to see the sky darkening and preparing for a mighty downpour!

"Scrap!" Rumble cursed when he saw the storm coming in.

Rumble and Frenzy, being from Cybertron, were used to rain being synonymous with deadly acid. Even though this rain was only water, old habits die hard. They both panicked and looked for a place to hide. Seeing a door leading the strip mall, they forced open the locked door and hoped whatever building they found themselves in wasn't too smelly or filled with organics. Then again it didn't much matter. Shelter was shelter.

Rumble pushed the door shut and Frenzy collapsed on the floor and vented for air. They looked around the room and saw they were surrounded by large bins filled to the brim with junk. There was furniture, there were paintings and books, and there were decorations from every holiday that existed on this planet and a few that probably didn't.

"What kind of lousy place is this?" Frenzy asked as he looked around.

"Don't know," Rumble shrugged, "Probably some kind of trading port. Hey, there's a door. Let's see what's beyond this room."

"No, wait! What if it leads outside?" Frenzy asked nervously, "I don't wanna be covered in burnin' acid holes!"

"I'll just take a peek," Rumble assured him, "Don't worry. We'll be fine."

Rumble peered through the door and saw a very large darkened room full of stuff humans use. There were rows and rows of clothes, shelves full of different music and movie storage drives, toys, and more. It reminded Rumble of Scavenger's berthroom. This would be a perfect place to hide from the storm, or anything else for that matter.

"Frenzy...I think we just found our new headquarters," Rumble declared as he surveyed their new territory.

Frenzy reluctantly followed Rumble out of the back room and looked around with him at all the different items stored in this strange trading post.

"Everythin' smells old," Frenzy commented, "Fleshies only live for a vorn. How can their scrap smell this old already?"

"Because fleshies smell bad," Rumble answered dryly, "Hey look! Cassettes!"

To their left was an entire shelf full of cassettes of every genre. There were also VHS tapes, records, 8-Track tapes, DVDs, CDs, and more.

"This'll be a great place to hide durin' the day," Rumble explained gleefully, "The humans will never notice us, and at night we can use their stuff to build weapons and plan our takeover of the planet! It's perfect!"

Frenzy smiled as he too finally saw the potential of this new hideout. He also liked the fact that he could play with the toys when nobody was looking. Of course, only Rumble needed to know that.

* * *

The first day they spent in the Goodwill store was for the most part uneventful. They hid in their cassette alt modes and watched through their scanners as the fleshies went through the aisles and looked over every bit of junk like they expected to find the matrix amidst the clutter. The humans wore bored expressions and tended to avoid each other as they passed by each other in the aisles.

For the most part it was quiet. The only time they got nervous that day was when one human picked up Frenzy and turned him this way and that for a full minute. Frenzy hated being handled by the flesh creature, but if he transformed they would have to leave their fun new clubhouse behind.

"Hey, this cassette tape doesn't have a label," the human remarked to his companion.

"Maybe it's a blank," the human femme standing next to him replied.

"Doubt it. Look at this cool red and black coloration," the man replied, "This is likely a rock album. I'll hide it in the back of the shelf for now and look for this design on eBay tonight. If it's valuable we'll come back and buy it."

"Good idea," the femme whispered conspiratorially.

The humans looked around to make sure no one was looking and then shoved Frenzy in behind a bunch of 8-Track tapes.

/That was mortifyin',/ Frenzy complained over the comm.

/I know. They didn't even buy you dinner first,/ Rumble joked in wicked glee.

/Aw, shaddup!/ Frenzy groused, /You know, your design looks weird too. What if some stupid humans decide to buy you? You could wind up as a squishy's music slave!/

Rumble did not like the sound of that at all. What if he wound up with a family that had kids with sticky fingers? What if they liked annoying swing music? What if it was a human that was good friends with the Autobots? Worst of all, _what if they liked swing music_?!

That night the Cassetticons decided that they needed a better disguise to keep the curious fleshies away from them. It took a while, but Rumble finally came up with a plan.

"Hand me that label maker," Rumble ordered, "We need to make ourselves look as borin' as possible so nobody wants to buy us. Give me the label gun, Frenzy! Yeah. This should do it…"

When Rumble was done he had two labels that would comfortably fit on their cassette modes. Rumble's label read **U.N Budget Conference 1992** , and Frenzy's read **Bird Call Noises of the Midwest**. With these vintage yet dull as dirt labels they were sure that no human would want them.

"So, with the disguises outta the way, what's our plan to overthrow humanity?" Frenzy asked as he taped his bird call label on his chassis.

"Uh...Ask me again tomorrow," Rumble replied as he eyed the furniture section, "I just noticed they brought in a mattress tonight. I've always wanted to jump on one of these."

Frenzy smiled at his brother, and soon they were both jumping up and down on a used mattress littered with coffee stains. After that they played with some action figures and then tried on human clothes.

When the next morning came they had done nothing to build a new doomsday weapon, so they transformed and placed themselves on the cassette shelf. They knew they could always try again tomorrow, and until they were ready to destroy mankind they could content themselves with the fun garbage they had surrounded themselves with.


	18. The House Guest

_Author's Notes: Well guys, this chapter is a mixture of humor and fluff. I hope it turned out okay. I've noticed that just about all the chapters in this fic are short. I guess because they're mostly gag-based. I guess we'll just call these fun-sized chapters! Hah! Anyway, thank you for reading, and please review :)_

* * *

Chapter 18

The House Guest

It was closing time at the Goodwill store, and Frenzy was in the clothing department while Rumble was in the back trying to build a new weapon with some junk that had been donated that day.

Frenzy found a large red dress with little white daisies and decided to try it on. Then he put on a very large straw hat and went to the mirror in the dressing room to admire the effect. The red of the dress really complemented the red of his visor.

"Oh help me!" Frenzy said in a girly voice as he swayed his hips and held his hands to his face in the mirror, "Decepticons are coming to attack our puny human village! Oh save us, Autobots! What's that? You're too stupid to know how to save us? Figures."

Frenzy giggled at his own bad imitation of a human femme as he looked at his role play outfit. He felt like the costume was incomplete, and then he remembered why. He went into the toy department and found a large stuffed dog, and then used an old belt to tie around the plush toy's neck like a leash.

"La la la la la! I'm walking my earth dog!" Frenzy called out in the squeaky voice, "We are on our way to the market to by human fuel! Oh no, Insecticons! No! They're eating my furry little monster! Ow, now they're eating _me_!"

Frenzy was on his knees pretending to be eaten by the Insecticons when he looked out the window and saw a pair of yellow optics staring back at him. Oh scrap! It was Ravage, and he saw Frenzy wearing human clothes and acting like a fleshy femme.

"Uh...I wasn't doin' nothin'," Frenzy said awkwardly as he looked out the window at his panther brother, "So, uh...what's up, Ravage?"

"Open the door, Frenzy," Ravage said dryly as he walked to the locked double doors.

Frenzy got off the ground and ran to comply, only to trip on the oversized red dress and rip it! He scrambled against the unruly fabric until he was able to tear the dress to shreds and then ran to the door to open it for Ravage. For some reason he was still wearing the hat.

"Hey, Ravage! You, uh, weren't recordin' that, were you?" Frenzy asked nervously.

"I can't believe it…" Ravage said softly, and Frenzy gulped thinking this was about the human role play, "...You're still alive. Everyone thought you were killed by Megatron! Oh, Frenzy!"

Ravage then leapt onto Frenzy chassis and nuzzled his face happily. The cassette brothers, reunited at last, danced around the store in ecstasy! Frenzy had almost forgotten nearly being blown to bits by Megatron, but apparently his brothers had not. In short order Frenzy was leading Ravage to Rumble, and soon the three cassettes were jumping up and down for joy!

Once they had exhausted their jubilant energy, Rumble finally asked the all-important question.

"What the scrap are you doin' here?" Rumble asked Ravage, "Does Megatron know we're here?"

"No. I'm supposed to be scouting for energy, but I just needed to get away for a while. Things have been tense since you guys left," Ravage admitted, "Soundwave's chest compartment just hasn't been the same."

"That bad, huh?" Frenzy asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," Ravage replied wearily, "I just want to rest. Listen, would I be imposing if I stayed here at your scrapyard fortress for a few days?"

"Not at all, Ravage. You're family," Rumble replied warmly, "We sleep here in the used cassette section during the day, and plan our takeover at night. You can help me build weapons. Oh, but I'm gonna need to give you a borin' sticker for when you sleep so the humans won't bother you. You know how much they love cool looking things."

"Boring sticker?" Ravage repeated in a flat tone, "Well, if you insist."

Rumble thought for a minute about what kind of sticker would fit his beastly brother best, and after a few minutes he came up with something. He typed it into the label maker and then presented the label to Ravage. It said _Webster's Dictionary Book On Tape_. Ravage looked at it skeptically but nonetheless agreed to wear it while he was staying with them.

"Just don't replace it with a bird calls sticker," Frenzy warned, "Apparently that isn't dull enough to keep the humans away. I had to switch it for a Barney the Dinosaur sticker! Yuck! He looks like a puce colored Grimlock!"

Ravage and Rumble chuckled at Frenzy's disgusted face, and then the twins gave Ravage the grand tour of the place, which mostly consisted of showing him what kind of stuff the humans threw away.

"Why do they throw it away and allow others to sell it?" Ravage asked, "Couldn't they just sell their own garbage?"

"They call it _donation_ ," Frenzy explained, "They give it away so someone of a lower caste can have it. Of course most of the donors are also low caste, so it kinda defeats the purpose."

"Oh. Why is there no human food here?" Ravage asked, "Wouldn't that be useful to an empty?"

"That goes to a different place," Rumble informed Ravage.

"Why can't the humans donate to the same place?" Ravage asked.

"Who cares? I don't care about fleshies and their broken caste system!" Rumble exclaimed.

"He doesn't know why," Frenzy translated with a snarky smirk.

"Shut up, Frenzy!" Rumble snapped and then punched Frenzy on the shoulder, "Let's just show Ravage our inventions."

"Um...Where _is_ Ravage?" Frenzy asked when he realized their brother wasn't with them anymore.

They looked around and found Ravage curled up on a donated dog pillow. He looked so content (yet dangerous) that they didn't want to disturb him. The twins, knowing there was nothing left to do, shrugged at each other and went in the back to work on more WMDs.

* * *

Rumble and Frenzy had gone into recharge sometime in the early twilight. The day seemed promising, and it was so cool that Ravage was there with them. It made them feel less alone in their struggles for respect and power. If they took over a city soon they might get Ravage a few slaves of his own.

The twins were suddenly awakened by the sound of a roar and the delightful squeals of a human child!

"Mommy! Look at the cool robot cat!" The boy exclaimed as he pointed at Ravage while the Cybertronian panther growled at him viciously, "I wonder how you turn it off. Mommy, help me look for a price sticker!"

/Oh, scrap! Ravage never bothered to wake up and transform!/ Frenzy exclaimed through the comm link.

"Honey, we can't afford that thing," The boy's mother said, "A toy that big would go for a lot of money."

"But Mommy! It might be cheap enough!" The boy persisted.

The little human then started pulling on Ravage's tail, and that was enough to send the overgrown cyber-kitten into a hissy fit! He swiped at the boy and roared, and the boy barely missed having his head lopped off!

Only when this happened did the humans recognize the Decepticon logo on Ravage! They then realized their mistake, and Ravage heard someone say they got in touch with the Autobots and that they were on their way! Unwilling to face the Autobots in this condition, Ravage leapt out the window; breaking the glass in the process!

Unwilling to leave their brother behind, Rumble and Frenzy transformed and ran out of there with Ravage amidst the screaming panic of the populace! Soon the trio was out of range of the Goodwill and at the edge of town. With nothing ahead of them but open road, they walked into a grassy field.

"Sorry I cost you guys your hideout," Ravage apologized.

"Eh, there'll be other places," Rumble waved away his concern, "So, where'll you go now?"

"Home," Ravage replied, "What about you? I'll bet Soundwave could convince Megatron to take you back. Come on, you don't belong out here. Come back with me. We'll get some high grade together."

"High grade?" Frenzy asked hungrily.

"Frenzy!" Rumble snapped, and Frenzy jolted and stood up straighter, "Listen Ravage, I appreciate what you're tryin' to do, but you don't get it. You get respect since you're the best tracker and spy. Frenzy and I always get the grunt work. If we go back now then it only proves we never deserved respect in the first place; that we will never be anythin' more than we are right now. We'll come back, but only after we've accomplished somethin' that'll make Soundwave and Megatron love us. We'll come back, but only as big shots."

Ravage nodded once, understanding completely. There were times when even the black cybercat felt unappreciated. He didn't want to end up like Rumble and Frenzy (trying on human clothes and talking to themselves) but he understood why they were acting this way.

The cassette twins waved goodbye to their brother and started off down the road. They didn't know where they were going, but at least they could stop wearing itchy stickers and get away from the smell of rotting human scrap.


	19. Sea Cruise

_Author's Note: I have wanted to do a 'Rumble & Frenzy go out to sea' chapter for the longest time, but I was having trouble coming up with a good scenario. Well, I've finally done it, and I'm pretty happy with how this came out. I hope you guys like it, too. Thank you so much for reading, and please review, favorite, and follow to stay up-to-date with this comedy of errors :)_

* * *

Chapter 19

Sea Cruise

Days had turned to weeks of walking. The twins lived off gasoline and slept out in the open sky. Half the time they wouldn't even rest unless they were away from human civilization; afraid of being captured in cassette mode (again). Their energon tasted like slag, and their pedes hurt from the constant walking on concrete and sinking in mud. Taking over this world seemed impossible when they could barely survive in it. All they wanted was to crawl back to Soundwave and beg for forgiveness.

"We've gotta go back," Rumble said as they approached a coastal town.

"What do you mean? That last city smelled _way_ worse than this one," Frenzy argued.

"No, I mean we have to go back to the _Nemesis_ ," Rumble clarified; his voice tired and ill-tempered, "This city borders the ocean. If we could just get out in the middle of the ocean we could get back to the Nemesis. Then we could convince Megatron to take us back."

"Megatron will never take us back. He already tried to kill me!" Frenzy reminded him, "Besides, it's too far to walk. With that salt water we'd rust at the bottom of the ocean before we even make it back to the ship. It's hopeless."

"No, it's not!" Rumble insisted, "We don't need to walk. We just need to get to a harbor and sneak aboard a human water vessel. Once aboard we'll take over the ship and force the crew to take us home. Trapped on a boat with us, those fleshies will wet their pants!"

"You mean they'll jump overboard?" Frenzy asked obliviously.

"Ugh! Never mind! Just follow me to victory!" Rumble declared with a fist in the air as he started walking; Frenzy not far behind him.

* * *

It took a couple hours to find a harbor, and when they did they noticed that there were many large ships docked there. It was nighttime, and the full moon illuminated the water and the gleaming white paint on most of the boats. They had their pick of any ship they wanted, but they didn't really know what each ship was for or how many humans it took to run each one.

"How do we decide which one to hitch a ride on?" Frenzy asked.

"Easy. We just read the names and pick whichever one we like best," Rumble said with a nonchalant grin, "Start lookin'."

The twins stayed together as they surveyed the ships. They turned down the first few ships right off the bat because they looked too small and the twins feared they would cause those leaky buckets to sink.

"How about this rusted out red one?" Frenzy asked.

"Hm...The S.S. Screaming Star. I'm not gettin' on that boat," Rumble shook his helm; considering that particular name a bad sign.

"How about this one?" Frenzy pointed to a light blue and white vessel.

"The Raging Inferno? Who names a boat after _fire_? Next!" Rumble yelled as he passed the yacht over.

"Ooh! This looks like a good one!" Frenzy shouted as he pointed to a dark green ship with cages and nets hanging out the side.

"Let's see...The Chum Slinger. That sounds good," Rumble nodded approvingly, "Let's climb aboard before its crew comes back. Come on! Hurry up!"

The two carefully walked up the ramp. Frenzy's foot fell through the thin plank once, but he didn't fall all the way through and Rumble was able to pull him back up to safety. They snuck around the main area of the ship trying not to make any noise just in case there were still humans aboard the vessel. Rumble slipped and fell on some fish guts that had been left on the floor, and the result was a loud crash!

The twins stopped what they were doing and listened for anything coming for them, but there was nothing. They let out a sigh of relief and searched for a place to hide until the ship was out to sea. That was when they would make their move and catch the humans by surprise.

The twins settled for a storage closet on one of the lower decks. It was a tight fit, but they were used to living in a space the size of an Easy Bake oven, so it wasn't a big deal. They turned into cassette mode and settled in for the night. Yeah, this plan was going smoothly…

* * *

The Cassetticons awoke to the room rocking back and forth all around them. They transformed and tried to get their bearings. Frenzy felt a little disoriented by the motion, and held onto his helm to make the swaying stop. Rumble held onto his brother to keep him from toppling over and alerting the humans. Wait a minute…

"We're moving!" Rumble hissed happily, "The humans don't know we're here! We've got the perfect advantage now! We can take over the ship!"

"That's great, Rumble," Frenzy said unenthusiastically, "Can we do it after I purge my fuel tanks?"

"There's no time for that, Frenzy! The Nemesis awaits us!" Rumble cried out joyfully as he opened the door and pulled his brother out after him.

The two climbed the stairs to the upper deck, and saw a crew of humans casting nets and swabbing the deck. There was a grizzled man with a scruffy brown beard at the helm steering the ship. They were all too distracted by their work to even notice the little Decepticons.

"Freeze, humans!" Rumble shouted as he took out his pistol from behind his back, and Frenzy did the same, "Cooperate and we won't blow you to smithereens!"

The captain of the ship looked down at them, motioned for another crewman to take the wheel, and walked over to where Rumble and Frenzy were. They pointed their guns straight at the man, but he didn't even flinch.

"Do either of you robo-men know how to steer this ship?" The captain asked.

"Uh...no," Frenzy admitted, and Rumble elbowed him in the side for telling the human that.

"I see," The captain nodded, "Do you know how to read a nautical map?"

"Not really," Frenzy said again, and Rumble scowled at him.

"Mhm," The captain hummed knowingly, "Have either of you ever been out to sea on a ship in yer entire lives?"

" _No_ ," they said together.

"Well then, it seems killing us would be the stupidest mistake of yer life," The captain pointed out with satisfaction, "Meanwhile, we could throw you overboard and not miss you a t'all. Yer technically stowaways on my ship, and I don't need that. So you see Mr. Robotos, you don't really have a lot to bargain with."

Rumble and Frenzy slumped in defeat. It was true. They were trapped on a ship with the only creatures that knew how the ship worked, and in danger of being thrown over the edge by angry sea-villagers. This was now how Rumble envisioned this scenario playing out at all.

"You wanna stay on this ship until we dock?" The captain asked pointedly.

The twins nodded; crestfallen.

"Then you'll have 'ta work," The captain informed them, "Pedro here can teach you how to clean fish, how to catch fish, and how to cook fish. Charlie can show you how to swab the deck."

"We already know how to clean stuff!" Rumble snapped irritably, "That was pretty much our old job!"

"Yeah, when we weren't scrappin' Autobots," Frenzy said with a smirk, "Ah, those were the days…"

"You can reminisce later," a large black guy said as he handed them the mop, "For now you need to wipe up those muddy footprints you tracked in from the lower deck. Seriously, what were you two stepping in, cow pies?"

"What we do in our private time is none of your business!" Frenzy shouted a little too defensively.

"Just get mopping," the big guy, _Charlie_ they were guessing, ordered.

The cassette twins sighed in unison, and Rumble took the mop. Frenzy went over to where a skinny guy with a knife was hanging out and started learning how to clean the fish they caught. This was going to be a _long_ voyage.

* * *

"I hate this. I hate this! I HATE THIS!" Frenzy screamed when he and Rumble were finally in their own cabin at the end of the night, "These squishy slave drivers are makin' me crazy! If I have to touch the dead insides of one more fish I'm gonna explode! All day long it's clean the fish, _clean the fish_ , CLEAN THE FISH!"

"At least you don't have to be stuck in the galley with Carlos," Rumble grumbled, "He is so fussy! I never knew how complicated it was to refuel humans. Apparently if you don't cook the food _just right_ they spit it at you. I'm not kiddin', Carlos spits food at me when I cook it wrong! They're treatin' us like...like…"

"Humans?" Frenzy offered wryly.

"Exactly! Oh, and remember when Ratbat wanted a human pet?" Rumble asked caustically, "Well you can tell him to forget it! If cookin' is any indication of how hard it is to take care of a human, then they're more trouble than they're worth!"

Their mutual tirade was cut short by the ship suddenly and violently teetering over to one side for a few seconds; causing the twins to slam against the wall!

The nervous cassette twins ran out of their room as soon as they got their balance back, and ran straight for the upper deck where the other crew members already were. They saw immediately what the problem was; a violent storm was rocking the boat to and fro! The sky was dark, and water was everywhere! Rumble and Frenzy screamed and started hugging each other; grateful at least this wasn't acid rain but still afraid of being torn apart by the wind.

"We're gonna die!" One of the humans screamed as he huddled into himself.

" _What_!?" Frenzy asked; panicked.

"Don't worry about him," Charlie shouted to the cassettes over the noise of the storm, "He's new here. Joined just a couple days before you did, actually. Don't worry! As long as the anchor holds, we won't be blown off-course. Besides, there's always more fish to catch after one of these storms has passed, though some would say it's not worth it. Just hold onto something!"

" _Captain_!" Pedro shouted in pure terror; his octave a few pitches higher than it should be, "The rope's torn! We lost the anchor!"

"Aw, frag!" Rumble cursed loudly; still hanging onto Frenzy.

"Remain calm!" The captain ordered stoically, "Do we have more rope?"

"Yes, sir!" Pedro replied, "But we don't have another anchor! That was the backup anchor we just lost!"

"Do we have anything else that weighs about the same as the anchor?" The captain asked as he clung for dear life to the steering wheel.

"I've got an idea" Carlos, the cook, suggested, "Let's use the robots!"

"You guys have robots on this thing?" Frenzy asked ignorantly.

It was only after every pair of human eyes was staring at them did Frenzy understand what they meant…

* * *

The storm raged on, meanwhile the cassette twins were tied to each other at the bottom of the ocean.

/I say next time we walk!/ Frenzy shouted over their personal comm signal.

/Agreed,/ Rumble replied just before a school of fish swam past his visor, /Oh, and Frenzy? Remind me to kill the humans when we dock./


	20. All Ashore!

_Author's Notes: I hope this chapter turned out alright. I'll be honest, out of all my fics on this site this is the one I get the most nervous about when I post. Comedy is a delicate art, after all. I think this chapter is okay, but it's hard for me to tell. Oh well, enough stressing! Thank you guys for reading, and I hope you will review, favorite, and follow to see more. I also want to give a shout out to those too shy to leave reviews but that continue to read my work anyway. I appreciate you guys too :)_

* * *

Chapter 20

All Ashore!

The cassette twins managed to cut themselves free of the chains that held them to the fishing boat and kept them stuck wading along the bottom of the ocean. They were no longer anchors, but they faced a new problem afterward. They were now at the bottom of the ocean and had no idea how far they were from the Nemesis.

With no choice left to them, the hapless duo walked slowly in search of land. They were trapped in the ocean for three weeks before they found the surface!

They crawled onto a small patch of land in the middle of the ocean. It was a small island that had no more than a few lonely palm trees growing from its sandy mass. They didn't care though, it was land. Still, they had used up a lot of energy getting there, and there didn't seem to be a source of energon anywhere nearby.

"Hey Frenzy," Rumble said wearily as he looked over his brother, "You've got rust spots all over you!"

"Yeah, so do you," Frenzy said calmly, but then in a more panicked voice asked "You don't think it's cosmic rust, do you?"

"No Frenzy, it's just salt rust," Rumble replied, "Still, we ain't too pretty, and this could still eat away at us in a couple vorns if we don't get it fixed."

"Well, at least we have time…" Frenzy said softly to try to convince himself, "I hate humans so much! If I ever see a human again I'm gonna smash it into powder!"

"Technically it wouldn't be powder, it would be paste," Rumble corrected him.

"Ah, shut up!" Frenzy groused, "You're startin' to sound like that snooty medic Hook! Aw slag, what I wouldn't give to see him again. He might make us wait and treat us like drones, but at least we'd get repairs and energon."

"Yeah, and then we could raid Soundwave's high grade. He barely drinks the stuff anyway," Rumble added wistfully, "I wanna go home."

"Me too!" Frenzy whined.

"Me too," a third voice chimed in.

Rumble and Frenzy exhaled in unison and wallowed in self pity. It took them a few moments to realize that someone else had spoken to them. It hit them both at the same time, and they stared at each other for a second or two as if to silently ask the other if they were hallucinating.

Realizing that yes, someone else was there, they slowly turned their heads away from the ocean and toward the trees. They saw a disheveled human with a long brown beard crouched beside a palm tree and staring at them wide-eyed and cautious, yet not overly afraid.

"A human?" Rumble asked dumbly.

" _Get him_!" Frenzy cried out as he activated his drills and started running toward the skinny castaway.

"AHH!" The human screamed as he ran for his life.

Rumble sighed and facepalmed as he watched his brother chase the human around the circumference of the island, which was actually small enough that Rumble could see all the way to the other side of the landscape.

After a few minutes Frenzy finally caught up to the human long enough to kick him to the ground and climb on top of him! The poor man could barely breathe, and Frenzy's drills looked especially sharp in the clear sunlight.

"You finished yet, Frenzy?" Rumble asked disinterestedly as he sat back and watched them.

"Almost!" Frenzy said with triumphant glee, "I hate humans so much!"

The man, upon seeing an opportunity to get out of this alive, replied by saying "Really? I hate humans too!"

Frenzy quirked an optic ridge quizzically and stood up enough for the human to gasp for breath.

"What do you mean, you hate humans?" Frenzy asked suspiciously, "You _are_ a human."

"That doesn't mean they've ever done anything for me!" The castaway replied, "I was on a cruise ship a little over a month ago when I fell over the edge. Nobody came to my rescue. If I hadn't found this island I would have drowned!"

"Yeah, lousy humans always tossin' people overboard," Frenzy muttered as he remembered his own incident.

"Wait a minute, why did you fall overboard?" Rumble asked critically.

"Well...I guess I had a little too much to drink, if I'm honest with myself," the ragged man replied, "Okay, a _lot_ too much to drink. Still though, nobody even threw me a lousy lifesaver! Not even a pool noodle! I'll never get off this island! I considered using the leaves from the palm trees to write a message in the sand for planes that fly by, but I can't even climb up there, let alone see what I'm writing!"

"If a plane sees a message they'll help us?" Frenzy asked.

"Yes, but I can't do it. I've tried, but I'm not strong enough to climb the trees," The man explained, "I use up all my strength just fishing and trying to stay warm at night."

"Fear not, puny human. We've got the answer!" Rumble declared, "Frenzy and I are strong enough to tear down the trees to get at their leaves, and our GPS systems can help us with aerial vision so we can see what we're writin'. The three of us will be off this dirty sandbar in short order!"

"Yeah, I'll get started right away!" Frenzy said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, you do that," Rumble waved away his brother, "I'm gonna catch a little recharge now that I can feel the sunshine again. Never thought I'd miss that hot star on this miserable rock of a planet. Wanna join me, fleshy?"

"Um, sure, if you think your friend can handle it," the man stammered, "By the way, I never asked, are you Autobots or Dictacons?"

"The word is _Decepticons_ , and we're that," Rumble informed him.

"Oh...No wonder the other guy tried to kill me," The man commented, "By the way, my name is Stanley. I really do appreciate your help, and if there's anything I can do for you just let me know."

"Oh don't worry Tiny, we will," Rumble replied with a mischievous smirk as he rested his helm on his arms and drifted off into recharge.

* * *

It was four hours later before Frenzy announced he was finished with the message in the sand. Rumble and Stanley cheered and clapped Frenzy on the back jubilantly. Soon they would be off the island and ready to take on the world again!

"I hope a plane comes by soon," Stanley said as he looked up at the sunset sky.

"I hope that plane isn't one of our coworkers," Rumble commented, "I'd hate it if Starscream, Skywarp, or Blitzwing found us. We'd never live it down!"

"Yeah, or what if it was Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, or Ratbat?" Frenzy pointed out, "We'd be the laughin' stock of the tape deck!"

"Frankly I wouldn't care if I was rescued by my ex-wife, my boss, and that one guy from my apartment complex that steals my mail," Stanley gesticulated, "I'd be grateful no matter who it was. Even if it was your Decepticon buddies. I'd do anything to get out of this open-air prison. I'm sure it'll happen soon though. Now we have the SOS signal on the ground and a fire to lead them to us. We'll be saved soon, I'm sure."

"SOS?" Frenzy asked sheepishly, "Was that what the message was supposed to say?"

"Um, yeah, either that or _help_ ," Stanley replied hesitantly; fearing where this was going.

"Uh...oops," Frenzy said as he turned away from the others and rubbed the back of his helm nervously.

"What?" Stanley demanded, "What does your message say?"

"Um...It says _Frenzy Was Here_ ," Frenzy simpered awkwardly.

"Oh no!" Stanley moaned, "You said _was_ here?" As in past-tense? No one will think anyone is still here and they'll move on! We'll never be rescued at this rate!"

"Oh," Frenzy said as he cringed, "Well...I can still kill you if you're really tired of this place."

"No thanks," Stanley sighed, "We might as well get some sleep."

"Look on the bright side, squishy," Rumble said with forced cheerfulness, "At least if things get desperate we won't eat each other. We literally can't!"

Stanley just made a soft groaning noise before covering himself with some of the leaves Frenzy had used for the message. It might not have been a rescue, but Stanley was at least grateful to have a makeshift blanket for once.

* * *

The next morning Stanley awoke to the sounds of Rumble and Frenzy chattering excitedly and jumping up and down! He got up immediately, not sure why they were so happy but hoping it meant good news for him too.

"Morning, guys," Stanley said as he approached the giddy 'Cons, "What's all the fuss about?"

"A ship!" They shouted in unison.

"We picked up a ship fifteen nautical miles from here!" Rumble informed him, "We're gonna swim to it and finally have some transportation!"

"Fifteen _miles_?" Stanley asked incredulously, "I can't swim that far!"

"Oh...well then, see ya!" Frenzy shrugged callously.

"No, wait!" Stanley shouted as they were about to wade into the water to swim away, "Please, take me with you! I don't want to die on this island! Please!"

"No way!" Frenzy shouted indignantly, "I'm sick of humans usin' us! You're on your own!"

"No! Please, I'll do anything you want!" Stanley pleaded more desperately, "Don't you remember? We all hate humans, right? I thought we were friends! _Please_ guys…"

Frenzy was unmoved, but Rumble started thinking. He looked at Stanley for a minute, and then asked "You'll do whatever we say?"

Stanley gulped at Rumble's conspiratorial tone, but meekly nodded nonetheless. Rumble smirked, and said "Alright, climb on my back and I'll take you to the ship with us. Trust me though, you're gonna wish we left you here."

Stanley knew he was probably right, but this was his only chance to escape the lonely island and being permanently exposed to the elements. He grabbed onto Rumble's neck and held on for all he was worth. He almost felt like he was riding a metal dolphin.

Rumble and Frenzy swam for nearly an hour to get to the ship. They weren't very fast in the water due to their weight, but their added strength meant they were probably a little faster than the average human. At the very least, they could swim for longer periods without getting tired.

A few times they nearly lost Stanley when his arms got tired and he nearly let go, but Rumble grabbed him every time. At first Frenzy didn't understand why Rumble was doing this, but soon he figured it out, and couldn't help the wicked smile that came over him as he watched the human struggle to hang on.

* * *

A couple hours had passed since they had stowed away on the ship, which turned out to be a nudist booze cruise. Even the engineers were stark naked! Stanley was a little embarrassed to be the only one on the ship wearing clothes, and Rumble and Frenzy wondered why such things were so important to humans. After all, Cybertronians were always naked, but nobody ever made special mention of that fact.

One good thing about nudists though, there was no place to hide weaponry. Rumble and Frenzy were able to secure passage on the ship without incident this time. They had the entire ship on edge, but the real victim of this takeover was Stanley. As it turned out Rumble had decided that they were going to keep Stanley as a slave and take him back to the Nemesis with them. He wasn't happy about it, but he wasn't willing to argue with them. At least there was food and fresh water on the nudie boat.

Rumble and Frenzy sat back against the wall of the engine room and watched as the engineering team shoveled coal into the obsolete furnace. Stanley came to them carrying two heavy cubes of energon made from the coal. They smiled and drank their energon without a care in the world. That is, until Frenzy ruined the moment by saying "So when we go back to Megatron, what exactly can we tell him we conquered? We don't have a single stinkin' city under our power."

"No, but we have him," Rumble pointed to Stanley as he said this, "We can always give him to Megatron. Say we got him a pet to make up for all the trouble we caused."

"That'll never work," Frenzy dismissed the idea.

"Okay then, let's just start over," Rumble suggested, "We can find a place somewhere in a human city to live. We can maybe get jobs, rent a place somewhere with lots of electrical grids and gas stations, and make a new life for ourselves. No Decepticons, no Autobots, no Cybertron. Just us and the earth germs livin' out our lives in peace."

"Yeah, that's a great idea!" Frenzy exclaimed happily, "Oh, make sure the place has a garage."

"Why?" Rumble asked.

"We need a place to stash Stanley," Frenzy replied as he gestured to their reluctant hostage.

Stanley moaned pitifully and ran a hand down his face in an exaggerated manner. If this was being rescued then maybe he should've stayed on the island.


	21. Return Address

_Author's Notes: If I'm being completely honest, this ending is rather abrupt. This fic could've conceivably gone on for years, but I feel the jokes will get stale if I keep it going too long. I see it happen to great comedies all the time. So, I'm going to do the classy thing and end this while the material still works. I hope this final chapter is good enough for the finale. A big thank you to everyone who has read this story, reviewed it, and followed its progression. You guys are great :)_

* * *

Chapter 21

Return Address

The cruise lasted for two weeks. Stanley grew accustomed to being surrounded by naked people, and he also grew accustomed to waiting on the Cassetticons hand and foot. That still didn't mean he wasn't lazy when he had a free moment. When no one was looking he would sneak away to the galley and stuff his face with as much food as he could handle.

Rumble and Frenzy enjoyed the fear they inspired in the exposed fleshies (so to speak) but when the ship finally docked and they could get back to civilization they both rejoiced! They and Stanley started walking into town immediately. Stanley didn't really want to go with them, but after a month and a half of being gone he would have no job, his apartment would be rented out to someone else since he didn't pay the rent before he left, and there was no one back home to miss him. In short, he had no options left, so he was stuck with Rumble and Frenzy.

"So where do we go now?" Frenzy asked as evening fell and the trio sat on a park bench.

"Well, first we need a base of operations," Rumble pointed out, "Hey Stanley, you know where we could set up a decent HQ to take over the world from?"

"Well...We could go to the library and check Craigslist for an apartment for rent," the hapless human suggested, "Of course I don't have any money, so we need a place that will let us wait until the end of the month to pay, and most places won't do that, so I guess we're out of luck."

"You need money?" Frenzy asked, "That part's easy. Watch."

Frenzy then hid behind some bushes and waited for someone to walk by. He saw a young woman strolling along walking her dog, and decided to make his move. Frenzy jumped out of the bushes and brandished his drills at her! The woman screamed and ran away with her little dog, but Frenzy chased her down and cornered her at the gate!

"Alright squishy, this is a stick up!" Frenzy shouted over the sound of his drills.

"What?" The woman asked; unable to hear him over the noise emanating from his weapon of choice.

"This is a- Hold on!" Frenzy shouted, and then turned off his drills before shouting in too loud of a voice "THIS IS A STICK UP!"

"Ow, I heard you!" The woman reprimanded him as she rubbed her ears.

The dog barked at Frenzy and tried to bite him, but the metal made it so the dog did no damage at all. Unfortunately, when the dog peed on Frenzy it had the desired effect.

"Ew! That stupid mutt piddled on my pede!" Frenzy snapped as the woman dug through her purse in search of her wallet, "I should seriously just kill you both and look for money someplace else!"

"No! Wait, I found it! Please just _stay calm!_ " The woman shouted in a panicked tone of voice.

"You first," Frenzy quipped flatly as he held out his hand for the money.

The woman gave Frenzy all the money in her wallet, and the little mech left without harming her or her annoying pooch. Frenzy had often entertained the idea of owning a pet, but a dog was definitely out of the question. They just weren't smart enough for Frenzy. Now humans, they were smart, but also kind of untrustworthy. Stanley on the other hand was going to be the perfect pet when they made it to wherever they were going. He just hoped Stanley wouldn't try to run away or pee on his leg.

Frenzy made it back to the other awaiting members of their motley group and proudly showcased the money he'd stolen from the dog lady. Stanley counted it while Rumble and Frenzy held up other people to ask for directions to the library. Eventually the cassette twins made it back and told Stanley where they were going.

"That's great, but I've got bad news," Stanley said pessimistically, "We've only got $50 here. I'm not sure that's enough for a place to live."

"Oh come on, let's just try!" Frenzy exclaimed encouragingly, "Let's go look at the Craigslist and see what we can find."

"Well, I'll try, but if this doesn't work we may be spending the night in the park," Stanley replied glumly.

"That's the spirit!" Rumble smiled as he grabbed Stanley and Frenzy in either arm and dragged them away with him.

* * *

They searched for over an hour on the library's computer before they found a place that might work out for them. The ad was placed by a woman named Ernestine Bloom, and she was renting out an upstairs bedroom for $200 a month. Stanley sent her an email explaining that he and his two friends had nowhere to go and only had $50, but they would have jobs soon (he hoped) and would pay her the rest of the rent at the end of the month. She agreed, much to everyone's surprise, and the three left to see their new place.

"I still don't like it," Frenzy complained, "We have to share a room? A human-sized room? How are we all gonna fit?"

"We'll only use the room to recharge," Rumble explained patiently, "And when you and me recharge we're only a few inches across. Cassette mode. Remember?"

"Hey, there's the house!" Frenzy shouted as he pointed to a cute little two story house near the center of town, "Hey Stanley, take my stuff up to the room, would you?"

Frenzy then pulled out several items from his subspace and handed them to Stanley. Rumble decided he liked the idea, and he pulled out stuff to give to Stanley as well. The poor man had an armful of odd items that were teetering back and forth and threatening to collapse over him!

"Hey, if you guys can pull this stuff in and out of thin air, then why do I have to carry it for you?" Stanley whined.

"Because you're our slave," Rumble said as if that explained everything, "You gotta do somethin' useful if you're gonna live with us."

"I hate you guys so much," Stanley muttered quietly so they wouldn't hear him as he walked to the door with the assortment of random junk.

Rumble knocked on the door, and then Frenzy knocked on the door as well so he wouldn't be left out. Stanley stood there groaning with the armload of stuff and tried not to look like a bum. Sadly, between the long beard, tattered sweaty clothes, and holding a bunch of junk in his arms, he wasn't really pulling off the I'm-not-a-bum look too well.

An older black woman in a pink bathrobe and fuzzy pink slippers came to the door, and when she saw the two minicons and their smelly bellboy she couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in skepticism and curiosity.

"Greetings, human," Frenzy said in what he hoped was a friendly voice, "We're here about the room. Stanley emailed you earlier."

"Is this one of those YouTube pranks?" The woman asked them derisively, "Because I don't get it."

"No ma'am," Stanley grunted as he gently set the stuff down on the concrete walkway and smiled at the lady, "Are you Ernestine Bloom?"

"Yes," Ernestine replied, "Are you ZZ Top?"

"Um, I'm pretty sure that was the name of a band, not a person," Stanley simpered as he realized just how ridiculous he and his 'masters' looked, "Um, that's beside the point. I'm the one that said we only have $50, but we're gonna get jobs so you don't have to worry about the rest of the rent. I know this is a bit of an imposition, but we don't have anywhere else to go."

"Why don't you get Scotty to beam you back up to the Death Star?" Ernestine deadpanned.

"Okay, _so much_ of that sentence was wrong," Stanley replied indignantly, but then remembered where he was and said, "I'm sorry, Ms. Bloom. It's been a rough couple weeks."

"More like a rough couple years for us," Rumble groused, "The only good thing about your planet is I don't have to fly to reach the top shelf no matter where I am."

"So, where do we put our stuff?" Frenzy asked presumptuously.

Ernestine just looked at them for a few awkward moments. If these two were just a couple of teenagers in costumes, then she was probably renting out to a group of sci-fi nuts. If they were real Decepticons, then she was harboring alien invaders. Either way it didn't sound too appealing. At the same time though, she felt a little sorry for them, especially the scruffy guy that looked like he hadn't showered in a year.

*sigh* "Come on in," Ernestine finally relented as she cleared the doorway for them to enter her home.

The trio rushed past her and into the living room, which was immaculately clean. Well, it had been, until they tracked their giant footprints on her carpet and on her stairs. Ernestine quickly walked up the stairs to catch up to the pair of Cassetticons while Stanley went into the kitchen.

When she got up there she saw that they had already found the attic bedroom she was renting out to them. Frenzy was shoving his CDs and music cassettes into the nightstand and Rumble was pressing down on the bed with his aft to test it for bounciness.

"This berth feels like a cruise ship we were just on," Rumble commented, "It moves like an ocean current. I call dibs!"

"Hey, you can't call the only berth!" Frenzy replied heatedly, "I'm rechargin' there too!"

"No way, get your own!" Rumble replied with a slag-eating grin.

Ernestine could only watch as the pair devolved into a fistfight over custody of the bed. She sighed, realizing she had lost all control of the situation, and went back downstairs to see what the bearded man was up to.

She found Stanley in front of her open fridge. His arms were full as he held a jar of pickles, a jar of mayonnaise, a jar of jam, a loaf of bread, and a casserole dish full of her homemade potato salad. He also had a sub sandwich stuffed in his mouth.

"What in blue blazes do you think you're doing?" Ernestine shouted crossly.

"I ws j'ss g'n sm'fn t eat," Stanley replied in a muffled voice; his mouth still holding the big sandwich.

"Get outta my fridge!" Ernestine snapped as she pointed to the living room, "Look, I have a mini fridge I can plug in upstairs, but you need to get your own food, and pay your rent by the end of the week. Also, you might want to invest in another mattress. Your robot friends don't seem too interested in sharing."

"Did they break anything?" Stanley asked as soon as he set the food on the table.

"No, not yet," Ernestine replied, "But keep them in line. I'm not running a fight club up in here."

"Um, that might be difficult Ms. Bloom," Stanley replied sheepishly.

"Oh? And why is that?" Ernestine asked skeptically.

"Because I'm, uh...How do I put this in a way that doesn't make me look like a total wuss?" Stanley asked both her and himself, "...I'm their servant."

"Oh?" Ernestine asked as she cocked an eyebrow, "They rich?"

"No, just capable of killing me," Stanley replied defeatedly, "Seriously, do you _watch_ the news? The Decepticons are _evil_. They don't care who they hurt. Besides, it's still a better gig than my last job. I used to work for Comcast."

"Just get outta my fridge," Ernestine repeated in a flat tone of voice.

Stanley groaned like a kid that didn't get to go on the roller coaster, and then walked upstairs to see if he could deal with his masters. So far this Decepticon slave gig was humiliating and tiresome, but somehow not as humiliating and tiresome as the time Stanley worked for KFC/Taco Bell.

* * *

Later that day the trio found themselves back at the library. They had a place to live, but now they needed jobs. It was back to Craigslist for them, and they hoped no one noticed that two of the library's patrons were Decepticons.

"Hey guys, I think I found somethin'!" Rumble exclaimed, only to be shushed by the librarian.

"Is it a job shushin' people? Because I'm pretty sure we could do that," Frenzy asked sarcastically as he glared at the librarian.

"No, listen!" Rumble exclaimed, and then he read, "Photographer seeks enthusiastic young model for private sessions. Must be cute, young, perky, and willin' to follow orders. Doesn't that sound exactly like me?"

"Check the bottom, Rumble," Frenzy pointed to the bottom of the ad.

"Hm...Must be between the ages of 20 and 26," Rumble read off, "Seriously? That's age discrimination! Just because I'm 6 million years old doesn't mean I'm not perky!"

"Shh!" The librarian hissed again.

"It's probably for the best, dude," Stanley whispered, "You're in the personals section. We want jobs."

"Oh…" Rumble replied; embarrassed.

For the rest of the evening the three searched for job listings. They couldn't find anything any of them were qualified for. Rumble and Frenzy had no resumes, and Stanley had already been fired from most of those companies. When the library closed they were no closer to employment than they had been before.

* * *

That night Rumble, Frenzy, and Stanley snuck into the house since Ernestine was asleep at this hour. Stanley was afraid they were going to wake up the old lady once they got upstairs because Rumble and Frenzy continued to fight over the bed. Eventually they figured out a queen size bed was big enough to hold two small cassette tapes. They still made Stanley sleep on the floor.

They had all drifted off to sleep when suddenly something shook the entire house! It felt like an earthquake, but after a moment Rumble and Frenzy figured out it wasn't. They looked out the window, and smiled with relief and joy.

"What are you two doing?" Stanley shouted from the door facing, "There's an earthquake!"

" _What the_?" They heard Ernestine shouting from the front door.

"Uh-oh," Rumble and Frenzy said in unison.

The two cassettes ran past Stanley and toward the front door where the old lady was, and Stanley in his curiosity followed them. Whatever made them that happy couldn't be good…

When Rumble, Frenzy, and Stanley made it outside Ernestine was standing on her walkway glaring up at the huge mech that was standing in her yard. She was yelling like nobody's business, and Stanley just knew she was going to get squished.

"I can't _believe_ this!" Ernestine screamed indignantly, " _Look at that!_ Your stupid giant foot is digging a hole the size of New Hampshire in my yard! My lawn is _ruined_! What do you have to say for yourself you overgrown _toaster oven_!?"

The mech paid her no attention. His red visor stared down at Rumble and Frenzy, and the silent and controlled manner of this mech sent shivers down Stanley's spine. Once his vision came back to him in the dark however, he knew exactly who this mech was. He was in the news too much for Stanley not to know.

"Soundwave!" Rumble and Frenzy cheered in unison.

Soundwave bent down, and Ernestine upon realizing she had just been dressing down a Decepticon the size of a redwood decided to run back into the house. She just hoped he didn't decided to tear her house down for yelling at him.

"Rumble, Frenzy: explain," Soundwave ordered, though his tone sounded softer than they would've expected after being gone for so long.

"We're sorry Soundwave!" Frenzy cried out as he held up his arms, "We shouldn't have left! It was all Rumble's idea! We're sorry!"

"Hey, what do you mean it was all _my_ idea?" Rumble asked sorely, "You came, too!"

"Please take us back, Soundwave!" Frenzy continued; ignoring Rumble, "We'll be good and never run away again!"

"Oh, before we forget, we got you somethin'!" Rumble announced happily as he ran over to Stanley, grabbed him by the arm, and dragged him closer so Soundwave could see him, "We got you a slave! He's already trained and everythin'!"

Stanley gulped as he looked at the imposing mech. Being in servitude to a couple of punks like Rumble and Frenzy might've been annoying, but it didn't seem nearly as dangerous as being a slave to one of Megatron's most trusted soldiers.

Soundwave stared at Stanley for a moment, and then said "You gift is acceptable. Rumble, Frenzy: return."

Rumble and Frenzy smiled from audial to audial and were overjoyed when Soundwave opened his tape deck for them. They were finally going back to the Decepticons, and they were never going to try to take over a planet by themselves again.

They got situated in their assigned slots, and saw the familiar forms of Ravage in cassettes mode, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, and Ratbat. Their celebration was cut short though when they noticed a new tape in the deck. This one was blue, green, and white. They stared at it for a few seconds in confusion, until it said in multiple voices "Hi Rumble! Hi Frenzy!"

"Is that... _Reflector_?" Frenzy asked in shock.

"Yeah, it's us," the cassette replied, "Megatron's orders."

Yep, a lot had changed since the Cassetticon duo had been gone. Now they were returning to Soundwave with a human slave and a gestalt cassette for a roommate. Oh well, at least they could finally return to a place they wanted to call home.

 **The End**


End file.
